Netcees - View Single Post - WEEK SIX: MR. J 3-2 vs FRAZE 1-0 FRAZE WINS

Universe · 01-09-2021, 04:48 AM

fraze:

God. Fucking. Damn. This is the kind of verse that I look for every week. Creative, technically sound and with a good story behind it. I LOVED this, man. Read it twice right away. You sort of remind of a fresh Scar when he wrecked shop in the GWL earlier this year... You have THAT type of potential. I felt your skills were slept on in the NBL but that won't happen here - This is where good writing has a home. And you, my friend, are a terrific writer.

Opening section was decent and set the tone for the piece, although it was probably the weak point of the verse... But it just kept getting better.

"Path of a nihilist, painted without scenic environment
Retracing steps erased in place, we can’t accept without denying it
Can’t imply I’m going places. Just forward towards no oasis.
Hope’s a hokie joke with devils blowing smoke inside our faces."

- This is dope af. My eyes really opened here.

"Step. Trudge. Next one" bar was simple but done well and effective.

"This endless ocean giving me the sinking feeling that I’m floating"

- ^^ This may be LOTB right here.

"Falling" scheme was nice too. And you followed it with...

"Open hearts intertwined like gods receiving Mayan gifts"

- Yikes. So good.

Perfect ending too. This is hands down verse of the week for me and one of my favs overall so far this season. I'm ranting and raving, I know lol... but I loved this piece in every way. Amazing stuff, man. Bravo.

Mr. J:

Flow is nice as always. Multi's are hitting. But unfortunately what is standing out here in the beginning is kind of "forced" multi's, in terms of being true to the syllable count yet sacrificing clearer wording. I fall victim to this all the time bro myself, so I notice it. It's a tough line to walk when you are trying to be technically proficient and yet make sense at the same time.

Loved this part though:

"In a ravine, alleyway or ditch, this is what her typical Saturday is
Her manners may have slipped as she grabs and lays bricks
Her grammar, same shit while she plans to say "bitch!"
Bruises and scrapes, cuts and tats that remain with...."

- This is fucking impressive in a lot of ways, but mostly JUST from a technical standpoint. Wasn't really saying too much but damn if it wasn't nice to read.

I think this was a good verse J, but it wasn't at the level of what fraze did here. You win with this more times than not but you ran into a monster here that you most likely didn't see coming. So, great effort, and a very enjoyable battle but this is fraze's moment.

Vote - fraze

01-09-2021, 04:48 AM	#8
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	fraze: God. Fucking. Damn. This is the kind of verse that I look for every week. Creative, technically sound and with a good story behind it. I LOVED this, man. Read it twice right away. You sort of remind of a fresh Scar when he wrecked shop in the GWL earlier this year... You have THAT type of potential. I felt your skills were slept on in the NBL but that won't happen here - This is where good writing has a home. And you, my friend, are a terrific writer. Opening section was decent and set the tone for the piece, although it was probably the weak point of the verse... But it just kept getting better. "Path of a nihilist, painted without scenic environment Retracing steps erased in place, we can’t accept without denying it Can’t imply I’m going places. Just forward towards no oasis. Hope’s a hokie joke with devils blowing smoke inside our faces." - This is dope af. My eyes really opened here. "Step. Trudge. Next one" bar was simple but done well and effective. "This endless ocean giving me the sinking feeling that I’m floating" - ^^ This may be LOTB right here. "Falling" scheme was nice too. And you followed it with... "Open hearts intertwined like gods receiving Mayan gifts" - Yikes. So good. Perfect ending too. This is hands down verse of the week for me and one of my favs overall so far this season. I'm ranting and raving, I know lol... but I loved this piece in every way. Amazing stuff, man. Bravo. Mr. J: Flow is nice as always. Multi's are hitting. But unfortunately what is standing out here in the beginning is kind of "forced" multi's, in terms of being true to the syllable count yet sacrificing clearer wording. I fall victim to this all the time bro myself, so I notice it. It's a tough line to walk when you are trying to be technically proficient and yet make sense at the same time. Loved this part though: "In a ravine, alleyway or ditch, this is what her typical Saturday is Her manners may have slipped as she grabs and lays bricks Her grammar, same shit while she plans to say "bitch!" Bruises and scrapes, cuts and tats that remain with...." - This is fucking impressive in a lot of ways, but mostly JUST from a technical standpoint. Wasn't really saying too much but damn if it wasn't nice to read. I think this was a good verse J, but it wasn't at the level of what fraze did here. You win with this more times than not but you ran into a monster here that you most likely didn't see coming. So, great effort, and a very enjoyable battle but this is fraze's moment. Vote - fraze __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..