Scar
This verse is very much in your style. Important moments in a couples' lives marked by emotion and/or awkwardness.
With good descriptions and introspection thrown in.
You paint the domestic scene well and throw in good details.
Adverse
Good verse, but I really wish you would have told a story here. I won't hold it against you but this personal verse is some stuff I've seen similar from you before, but a new story would have been newer to my eyes. BUT you do a great job comparing youth to the present time of older age.
The rhymes and wording are all there. Some of the stanzas were powerful,
However I just didn't get the same mystery and feelings from your verse as I did from Scar's.
I think Scar pulled off the indirect story here with his setting of the atmosphere and tone.
Very close though.
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