Candy this was your best verse of the season thus far easily, loved the way you weaved through the story and how you put yourself into this old woman’s shoes. My only complaint is like yeah Uni said about janky wording but I feel like sometimes you have TOO much to say? Like you overstuff your bars with all these metaphors and descriptions I think you get lost inside of all the things you have to say when you should really be focusing on telling your story at your own pace. Don’t be afraid to slow down and flesh some ideas out for longer than a line apiece. You have awesome ideas don’t be afraid to linger on them sometimes. Really respect how far you’ve come this far.
Objective I really enjoyed your piece this week I think you’re finally finding your stride as a writer whereas before I would put you in the same category as I just did Candy and say you were overfilling your bars. I think you took your time telling your story and I liked the conclusion, it was poetic and ironic. The vultures were paying for all the times they took advantage of the poor woman. Though I see what Universe is saying with the stuff that doesn’t rhyme completely I am more merciful on overlooking it because I care more about how you portrayed the topic and I think you did that in an excellent way
You both are improving and going to be in the conversation for a most improved honor at the end of this season, you’re both growing into great writers but I think Objective is just a little further along than Candy is at the moment but I enjoyed what I read from both great showing
|