I’ll save my bigger breakdowns for the reviews section of the mag (gotta have something to write in there as well lol) but I will try to make this vote as bulky as it needs to be for you guys to understand my position.
Eviction:
I echo a lot of things from Universe’s vote. This started out great, all the visuals of flames and all the different verbiage you had concerning things attributed to fire (smoke, ashes etc.) it just felt like a graceful waltz around your topic picture and it was a good kind of autobiographical piece about throwing things from your own experiences in there. But I too feel like you lost sight of the story you were trying to tell here, everything started blending together towards the middle of your piece. I still picked out some decent points (picking your own poison etc.) honestly I’m a fan of the way you write because you’re not really hiding behind huge metaphorical walls your words are carrying their weight at face value. I liked the ending because you kind of found your topic again, liked how you tied it back to the impending New Year and had a twist on your resolution. Using your last cigar to burn your enemies is kind of poetic justice. Definitely a lot of good to take away here.
Master Rock:
I’m happy with the direction you took here. Attributing the man in the suit to big corporations and politicians is such a simple approach but a lot of people would never think to tread those waters. It was an effective message. Especially given the way the government has handled this whole pandemic and has pretty much left its people out to dry. I liked this section at the very end of your piece.
“the inaccurately of it all, united we stand till we fall
beside their ill-advised plans, bureaucrats take over this land
we the people get stuck in corruption's quicksand
we left holding hands while the fire charring every bit of our plan“
Loved how you tied it all back to the picture topic at hand and had some nice metaphoric things to say. I again agree with Uni that your message seemed to be lost at times. But overall when you conveyed it clearly it really resonated with me, this was a dope piece that still has room to grow on.
Honestly both had their blurry parts of the pieces but I think this battle was pretty evenly matched. I think I’d also lean towards Rock this week because I just resonated more with his topic for the week. Think you both are fantastic writers and both are still growing. Keep up the good work. @
Eviction hate to see you sign out when you were just hitting your stride.
V/Master Rock