Netcees - View Single Post - WEEK FIVE: MMLP 2-2 VS PHARAOHS ARMY 2-2 MMLP WINS

Universe · 12-30-2020, 09:38 AM

MMLP:

Loved this verse. Easy to read, multi's, technical aspects all on point as expected. Some of your lines have the tendency to fly below the radar for whatever reason but they are gold... hidden treasure almost... for those who look. I like when you give yourself freedom like this and don't "box" yourself into a corner by trying to stay too tightly wrapped around a topic - excuse all those boxing metaphors lol. You really are at your best when you just trust your skills to take you where you need to go and don't force anything.

Highlights:

"as I saw the abyss
with an unearthly focus as I’d swerve a blow,
turn the scope to fall from the brink,
keeping my circle close,
leaving it all in the ring
it caused a rethink, went dipping from the stress
skipping on my legs,
become a motor mouth, driven by success"

- This is where I started to think of Muhammad Ali... and you followed it with...

"... different from the rest with the troubles I faced
but still running the game
fast on my feet, now I’m coming of age
the rest are stuck in their ways as I bobble and weave
another lamb slaughter, trash talker
knocked from his feet
with my unstoppable reach that’s put me top of the tree"

- This part was especially impressive... Top level stuff.

"lost my head but never lost the crown"

- Also liked this^^

The mental health ending was relevant but didn't really have the impact that I was looking for... Still, loved the take on this challenging topic. Kudos to you, sir.

Pharaohs Army:

When the quote you use to start your verse is 1/4th the size of your actual verse... something is lacking lol... I liked the quote though.

This had a different vibe than I'm used to seeing from you... and I liked it. Had a documentary-like feel to it. Historic. It was real and that reality leaked through into your words. Very cool.

Technically though, this was pretty bare bones. Multi's were few and far between and set up lines were painfully obvious at times. I knew what was coming... MMLP literally made every line relevant and each one seemed like the punchline - that's the difference here, just another level. BUT, I honestly liked the FEEL of this piece better. It had an epic vibe to it... it should've been fleshed out to 50 lines for sure. This could've been your crowning achievement... But I think you sort of just skimmed the surface of its potential... Still, a solid verse here, PA.

MMLP takes this though with an all around performance that would've been tough to beat for anyone.

Vote - MMLP

12-30-2020, 09:38 AM	#5
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	MMLP: Loved this verse. Easy to read, multi's, technical aspects all on point as expected. Some of your lines have the tendency to fly below the radar for whatever reason but they are gold... hidden treasure almost... for those who look. I like when you give yourself freedom like this and don't "box" yourself into a corner by trying to stay too tightly wrapped around a topic - excuse all those boxing metaphors lol. You really are at your best when you just trust your skills to take you where you need to go and don't force anything. Highlights: "as I saw the abyss with an unearthly focus as I’d swerve a blow, turn the scope to fall from the brink, keeping my circle close, leaving it all in the ring it caused a rethink, went dipping from the stress skipping on my legs, become a motor mouth, driven by success" - This is where I started to think of Muhammad Ali... and you followed it with... "... different from the rest with the troubles I faced but still running the game fast on my feet, now I’m coming of age the rest are stuck in their ways as I bobble and weave another lamb slaughter, trash talker knocked from his feet with my unstoppable reach that’s put me top of the tree" - This part was especially impressive... Top level stuff. "lost my head but never lost the crown" - Also liked this^^ The mental health ending was relevant but didn't really have the impact that I was looking for... Still, loved the take on this challenging topic. Kudos to you, sir. Pharaohs Army: When the quote you use to start your verse is 1/4th the size of your actual verse... something is lacking lol... I liked the quote though. This had a different vibe than I'm used to seeing from you... and I liked it. Had a documentary-like feel to it. Historic. It was real and that reality leaked through into your words. Very cool. Technically though, this was pretty bare bones. Multi's were few and far between and set up lines were painfully obvious at times. I knew what was coming... MMLP literally made every line relevant and each one seemed like the punchline - that's the difference here, just another level. BUT, I honestly liked the FEEL of this piece better. It had an epic vibe to it... it should've been fleshed out to 50 lines for sure. This could've been your crowning achievement... But I think you sort of just skimmed the surface of its potential... Still, a solid verse here, PA. MMLP takes this though with an all around performance that would've been tough to beat for anyone. Vote - MMLP __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..