Candy - sometimes I feel like instead of telling a linear story you over-describe. Some of your imagery was awesome but sometimes the storyline gets lost in all the imagery and what not, your next step would be to find a way to keep the same kind of descriptive writing but at the same time moving the story forward and getting somewhere because I think the way you say things and the things you describe are dope pieces but you’ve got to put the whole puzzle together still
Concrete - you wrote a great story here and really brought the picture to life. Loved the atmosphere and the adjectives you used to give life to your otherwise inanimate objects like saying the wind made the trees shriek and things like that, very good writing and the multis tied in well as well. This was a great read and I liked the way you approached it. Keep writing man
Overal I enjoyed Concrete’s take on the subject more and his piece felt more “whole” honestly concrete is starting to look like a sleeper. Writers beware!
V/Concrete
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