roc – straight away I noticed a fast paced style that doesn’t resonate, not giving the reader time to breathe and absorb it. Repeating the ‘me’ rhyme at the beginning isn’t something id try to emulate myself, comes across as lazy writing. im always a fan of the shorter line approach but it has to be filled. Im picturing a Christian bale going full ham in a scene, not being happy and then ending it abruptly lol. Give yourself more room to manoeuvre, let the verse blossom lol. I really liked the ending tbf but its too fast paced, it might hurt u here
Howlz – 4 lines in, you really nailed down the flow here. Great introduction story telling wise!
Again it’s a little fast paced but its at least more filled, it engages you, the piece is evolving. The ending was again abrupt, less impactful but overall the better piece
I got Howlz
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