View Single Post
Old 11-16-2020, 02:04 AM   #9
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349682
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

That first verse was smooth and I enjoyed reading it. Didn't correlate too well with the topic at first but as it blended itself in at the end it deserves another read which made me realize what you were working towards. I felt it read smooth and that always boosts the read for me.

The second verse was more technical with the way the writer chose to take the topic. At certain points I felt you could have eased up on the technicality and transitioned smoother but with the bulk of what you brought forth you really made use of the topic at hand. Which may have pushed me to favor your verse in this blending of style.

Although I felt that the second verse was done well and the first verse had a build up to work out what it was going for. I felt both performed well and brought an interesting take on their topics. It's the first week and seeing something like this will evolve into some complex works, looking forward to it.

Feel like I have to give it to the second writer though. It wasn't as smooth as I hoped for but it read well into the topic at hand. First verse was pretty hilarious in retrospect and the build up at the end was nice but overall I felt writer 2 edged it out with a bulkier verse. Nice battle.

V/Second verse
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline