Okay, I’m not entirely sure I “got” what Candy was aiming for here if I’m completely honest. The verse did come off as written quite quickly, lacking clarity in spots. The end rhyme of “cries” and “diaries” was jarring for me. It may work purely in written form, but when read aloud the two don’t sound the same and it has me questioning whether Candy may be of Nigerian descent? Possibly. I would guess than English isn’t her first language. Here’s an example:
Quote:
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our dad rents not own the wood that fires the home
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I’m not sure what this means, the line is convoluted, maybe it should have been “our Dad rents, not owns,” and it being simply a matter of poor punctuation but then given the context it’s referring to (of wood to burn) there would be no reason to “rent” it, so I find myself lost as to meaning. If any. I found the same in a few spots throughout the verse, so I can only conclude the error is with the rushed writing and lack of clarity from the writer to reader - falling short of his intent.
Hush: This is a rarity to see you in topical form. I think you’ll surprise some people, you’re a lot better than your opposition here, the punchline-esque quality to your lines and ability to make them quoteables will serve you well on the topical side. An early one I liked was the Hide line you toyed back and forth with, repeating the cycle was another offhand that I thought showcased your ability well. The overarching theme you went for here was above and beyond your oppositions capability, right down to the execution and delivery. It’s just got a lot more in more areas that you excel in where she fails - the technical aspects with multies etc, the idea driving behind it, the wording, it’s just a mark above what Candy brought here.
Vote - Hush