Johnny: I liked the current take. It places the reader firmly in the present and is relatable to us all on a level right now; I think you were maybe pushed for time here as the scheme employed is looser than usual, and the writers voice isn’t as clean as I’m used to reading from you. I enjoyed the use of your username, that was a cool touch I thought, the God of toilet paper was amusing to me also. I think you touch on the subject tangentially but I would have preferred something more direct employed here - your final third was my personal favourite and you were very strong in this section I thought:
Quote:
Communication hampered, expressions censored within masks
Separation anxiety caused by invisible prison glass
I'm limbo-ing past old ladies as I'm shopping for groceries
Praying to the Gods of toilet paper I get some, hopefully?
Jumping Like cats on hot tin roofs at a single cough
Sending prayers for nearest and dearest; every one I'm thinking of
My thermometer spends so much time in my mouth; I'm charging rent
And how great I can watch Netflix until my heart's content?
A sad state of affairs when a hermit like me misses human company
Sharing an umbrella in the rain is a forgotten luxury
It may sound trite but the human race is stronger standing together
But we can't shelter each other in this viral stormy weather
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Lucipher: Good to see you back again. This was a very different verse, so props on the originality and creativity, I’m surprised Universe didn’t enjoy this as it seems right up his street conceptually. I think you shone in terms of your technical ability and mechanics here, your multi-schemes were very effective in terms of rhyme placement and creating an implied rhythmic cadence, but as well as that I think in terms of your storytelling and creativity/originality you offered up more here for me to enjoy than Johnny did personally, I think you utilised the picture well - both going for out-the-box approaches somewhat for sure but I felt you did a better job overall of arching yours back toward what was displayed. This was my fave section from you:
Quote:
I'm startin' to be me, A girl in a man's body & my heart is on my sleeve-
Farthest from belief & the hardest to believe is who I became now-
The same child who use to wear boys clothes but then changed styles!-
Now I have insane piles of nail polish & lipstick to make great smiles!-
I create miles, of the road I make , it only took that old soul to hate-
Veins as cold as a frozen lake, You don't know the toll it takes-
To be born a cow then get sold as steaks- but this mold I'll break-
Different on the inside but tongue in cheek why control my taste-
Gray skies with no umbrella my life was hard with motherless help-
Now shits changed and I'm stellar within my own colorful self-
But I believe in destiny, changed from that kid who was teased relentlessly-
No friends with chemistry no shock my dad had no need to mention me-
So he got the best of me, thats why I went from Stephen to Stephany-
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