Netcees - View Single Post - Week 1: Lucipher Howlz vs Johnny 6 feet LUCIPHER WINS

Universe · 11-14-2020, 02:22 PM

J6F:

Cool little verse, Johnny. Technically sound as always. Easy on the eyes and smooth. But tbh, I didn't really see how it connected to the topic until the very end... and even then I was like... "Ehh, okay...?". Don't get me wrong, I liked it... but you DO have an affinity for being fairly loose with your depictions. Remember our battle? It was similar to this picture actually, and you connected "rain" with "reign" and made an entire piece about a King's reign. Quite frankly it pissed me off that THAT was your take on the topic, and even more so that the voters didn't give a shit lol. But I only bring it up because it needed to be said.

Moving on, and taking your interpretation at face value... these were my favorite parts:

Highlights:

"Time was always in short supply, now he's here in abundance
Except for those targeted by the microscopic tyrant among us
Communication hampered, expressions censored within masks
Separation anxiety caused by invisible prison glass"

- This painted a great picture on 2nd read through.

"A sad state of affairs when a hermit like me misses human company
Sharing an umbrella in the rain is a forgotten luxury"

- I loved this idea of not being able to stand close under an umbrella anymore. I think your take is growing on me lol.

Overall, another good showing from one of the best topical guys on here.

Lucipher Howlz:

My first time reading something from you and I was impressed. Nice connection to the topic and some killer multi's to boot. Flow was gravy. That said, I almost feel like you relied on your multi's TOO much... weird to say but sometimes you need to let a rhyme scheme go and just tell a story.

I felt your multi's almost cheapened the piece at times because it made you water down what you were trying to say for the sake of the verse. Look, I get how hard it is to do this... and you did a GREAT job here, but I wish there was some more substance in this piece. Something I could really sink my teeth into and gnaw on for a little while. It just all seemed rather.. surface.

Also, having a 25 line verse is just weird and screws up the flow. Did you forget a line?

But, with all that said, there was some great parts for sure...

Highlights:

"Too much pain & force, I refused to change & maintained my course-
Waging war, against my fathers love even tho I craved for more-"

- Real shit.

"I create miles, of the road I make , it only took that old soul to hate-
Veins as cold as a frozen lake, You don't know the toll it takes-
To be born a cow then get sold as steaks- but this mold I'll break-
Different on the inside but tongue in cheek why control my taste-"

- Very nice.

Great battle here... Was close actually. Johnny's loose take on the topic irked me again but I think upon another read it kind of hit its mark. Technically, maybe a few more multi's would be nice to see but not much to improve upon here. Come back soon... Lucipher connected to the topic better and had superior multi's. Flow was about even... Hmmm...

I actually want to vote for Lucipher but I think his shallow story is kind of holding me back. The plot was nothing new and has been done miles better before (by yours truly ;P), and I also DON'T want to vote for Johnny because of his loose connection but, fuck... I think 6 Feet won me over... even though I hate that it's ANOTHER fucking Covid-type piece. Eh, he made it work. As he tends to do...

Awesome battle, fellas. You guys both pissed me off because I kept going back and forth over the winner lol, but...

Vote: Johnny 6 Feet

11-14-2020, 02:22 PM	#6
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	J6F: Cool little verse, Johnny. Technically sound as always. Easy on the eyes and smooth. But tbh, I didn't really see how it connected to the topic until the very end... and even then I was like... "Ehh, okay...?". Don't get me wrong, I liked it... but you DO have an affinity for being fairly loose with your depictions. Remember our battle? It was similar to this picture actually, and you connected "rain" with "reign" and made an entire piece about a King's reign. Quite frankly it pissed me off that THAT was your take on the topic, and even more so that the voters didn't give a shit lol. But I only bring it up because it needed to be said. Moving on, and taking your interpretation at face value... these were my favorite parts: Highlights: "Time was always in short supply, now he's here in abundance Except for those targeted by the microscopic tyrant among us Communication hampered, expressions censored within masks Separation anxiety caused by invisible prison glass" - This painted a great picture on 2nd read through. "A sad state of affairs when a hermit like me misses human company Sharing an umbrella in the rain is a forgotten luxury" - I loved this idea of not being able to stand close under an umbrella anymore. I think your take is growing on me lol. Overall, another good showing from one of the best topical guys on here. Lucipher Howlz: My first time reading something from you and I was impressed. Nice connection to the topic and some killer multi's to boot. Flow was gravy. That said, I almost feel like you relied on your multi's TOO much... weird to say but sometimes you need to let a rhyme scheme go and just tell a story. I felt your multi's almost cheapened the piece at times because it made you water down what you were trying to say for the sake of the verse. Look, I get how hard it is to do this... and you did a GREAT job here, but I wish there was some more substance in this piece. Something I could really sink my teeth into and gnaw on for a little while. It just all seemed rather.. surface. Also, having a 25 line verse is just weird and screws up the flow. Did you forget a line? But, with all that said, there was some great parts for sure... Highlights: "Too much pain & force, I refused to change & maintained my course- Waging war, against my fathers love even tho I craved for more-" - Real shit. "I create miles, of the road I make , it only took that old soul to hate- Veins as cold as a frozen lake, You don't know the toll it takes- To be born a cow then get sold as steaks- but this mold I'll break- Different on the inside but tongue in cheek why control my taste-" - Very nice. Great battle here... Was close actually. Johnny's loose take on the topic irked me again but I think upon another read it kind of hit its mark. Technically, maybe a few more multi's would be nice to see but not much to improve upon here. Come back soon... Lucipher connected to the topic better and had superior multi's. Flow was about even... Hmmm... I actually want to vote for Lucipher but I think his shallow story is kind of holding me back. The plot was nothing new and has been done miles better before (by yours truly ;P), and I also DON'T want to vote for Johnny because of his loose connection but, fuck... I think 6 Feet won me over... even though I hate that it's ANOTHER fucking Covid-type piece. Eh, he made it work. As he tends to do... Awesome battle, fellas. You guys both pissed me off because I kept going back and forth over the winner lol, but... Vote: Johnny 6 Feet __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..