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Universe · 10-07-2020, 11:06 AM

Corleone:

they say the 3rd time is a charm.. what is it? our 3rd battle to date?,
no homo.. so you could wipe that sad look off of your face// (.. lol fag)

- battle-to-date... decent opener

jealousy is a bitch trait.. that you've proven at heart,
for christ sake, how much more shit could you possibly talk?// (.. lol hes obsessed with me)

- nah

let's be real.. your obsession with me has gone it's course,
I'd ask you politely to stop, but I knew you wouldn't confide in divorce// ( .. lol you a bitch stan)

- I think "confide" isn't the right word here. You just rhyming "gone" with "fied", which works, but the word needs to be relevant.

pussy nigga.. keep my name out of your mouth,
and since' you struggling with that, I could help you out..

- you and I have the same problem with making rhyme schemes in a battle verse lol

let us begin.. first, pick up a blade and gently slice your wrists,
secondly.. make sure you cut deep enough to sense//

- I mean, cool... but doesnt hit that heavy.

last of all.. if you cut for all your blood to rinse,
you should end up on the floor, and feel off a bit// (.. lol)

- focus more on punchlines rather than multi's... I'm finding out they arent rewarded here

learn anything new?.. let's back track, to where we first began in our fued//
we planned to battle.. I outmatched you, but yet, had to mangle your crew//

- just an opinion, no punch.

had it not been for swaying votes, between yourself, zuchie, and blu..
explain how would you win any battle, outside your complexion with dudes?//

- complexion of dudes? I don't see that being relevant. But I get your statement here.

Sharp:

Been a whiny bitch since ‘96. Still got the same style bro
Id call you a cancer of text, but that would imply some growth

- Truth.

No one’s quoted him in 30 years. Every verse is only dookie
If anyone gave Coraline, they’d need to be as fucked up as a Tim Burton Movie

- I fuck with Coraline lol. Cool little flip.

Hush’s blind tourney proved we don’t need the name to see you’re whack
with THAT verse in Shadowboxing? I’d say RZA dodged a bullet keeping you off his tracks

- haha.

800+ Twitter follows with 0 likes. Buying followers? You the lamest, wow
Your socials scream ‘biological clock ticking’ - desperate for engagement now

- Sharp has BOOKS of personals on Cor by now lol.

Got no one on social media. Friends disinterest must be tough to swallow
For your people, that twitter’s like your punches. One look and it’s ‘I don’t follow’

- lol loved this.

Between your verses and shoe line, I don't know what's more of a disaster
Punches don't land... kicks will never make it... fuck, you really are the shadowboxing master

- Perfect closer.

Sharp took this on entertainment value alone. Really enjoyed his verse.

Cor, you can rhyme man. Focus more on punchlines and not schemes/multi's. I have to do the same.

Vote - Sharp

10-07-2020, 11:06 AM	#9
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Corleone: they say the 3rd time is a charm.. what is it? our 3rd battle to date?, no homo.. so you could wipe that sad look off of your face// (.. lol fag) - battle-to-date... decent opener jealousy is a bitch trait.. that you've proven at heart, for christ sake, how much more shit could you possibly talk?// (.. lol hes obsessed with me) - nah let's be real.. your obsession with me has gone it's course, I'd ask you politely to stop, but I knew you wouldn't confide in divorce// ( .. lol you a bitch stan) - I think "confide" isn't the right word here. You just rhyming "gone" with "fied", which works, but the word needs to be relevant. pussy nigga.. keep my name out of your mouth, and since' you struggling with that, I could help you out.. - you and I have the same problem with making rhyme schemes in a battle verse lol let us begin.. first, pick up a blade and gently slice your wrists, secondly.. make sure you cut deep enough to sense// - I mean, cool... but doesnt hit that heavy. last of all.. if you cut for all your blood to rinse, you should end up on the floor, and feel off a bit// (.. lol) - focus more on punchlines rather than multi's... I'm finding out they arent rewarded here learn anything new?.. let's back track, to where we first began in our fued// we planned to battle.. I outmatched you, but yet, had to mangle your crew// - just an opinion, no punch. had it not been for swaying votes, between yourself, zuchie, and blu.. explain how would you win any battle, outside your complexion with dudes?// - complexion of dudes? I don't see that being relevant. But I get your statement here. Sharp: Been a whiny bitch since ‘96. Still got the same style bro Id call you a cancer of text, but that would imply some growth - Truth. No one’s quoted him in 30 years. Every verse is only dookie If anyone gave Coraline, they’d need to be as fucked up as a Tim Burton Movie - I fuck with Coraline lol. Cool little flip. Hush’s blind tourney proved we don’t need the name to see you’re whack with THAT verse in Shadowboxing? I’d say RZA dodged a bullet keeping you off his tracks - haha. 800+ Twitter follows with 0 likes. Buying followers? You the lamest, wow Your socials scream ‘biological clock ticking’ - desperate for engagement now - Sharp has BOOKS of personals on Cor by now lol. Got no one on social media. Friends disinterest must be tough to swallow For your people, that twitter’s like your punches. One look and it’s ‘I don’t follow’ - lol loved this. Between your verses and shoe line, I don't know what's more of a disaster Punches don't land... kicks will never make it... fuck, you really are the shadowboxing master - Perfect closer. Sharp took this on entertainment value alone. Really enjoyed his verse. Cor, you can rhyme man. Focus more on punchlines and not schemes/multi's. I have to do the same. Vote - Sharp __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..