View Single Post
Old 09-10-2020, 09:59 AM   #9
Johnny 6 feet
Storyteller
 
Johnny 6 feet's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 446
Battle Record: 8-4


Champed
- Guerrilla Writing League

Rep Power: 5558447
Johnny 6 feet has a brilliant futureJohnny 6 feet has a brilliant futureJohnny 6 feet has a brilliant futureJohnny 6 feet has a brilliant futureJohnny 6 feet has a brilliant futureJohnny 6 feet has a brilliant futureJohnny 6 feet has a brilliant futureJohnny 6 feet has a brilliant futureJohnny 6 feet has a brilliant futureJohnny 6 feet has a brilliant futureJohnny 6 feet has a brilliant future
Default

Diablo- Original take. The asl reference took me back, then again, I reckon you're as old as I am. You had a good narrative here with some twists and turns. Giving depth to the personality of the narrator in this amount of lines is trick y but you pulled it off nicely. Rhyme scheme was functional, did the job well enough. The punchline at the end was a funny way to end the piece. I liked it. good work.

Razah. Dark. Savage. You painted a picture crystal clear of what goes through the mind of some of the people watching se workers online. I'm glad you didn't take the obvious twist of the narrator taking it in a homicidal direction. It would've cheapened the whole thing IMO. Good flow and compound rhyme scheme. It felt you lingered too long on the sexual imagery tbh, but it was a strong effort overall.

Vote- Diablo, better take on the topic and technical aspects. Good battle.
Johnny 6 feet is offline