[sral]

Bladed Thesis: This was well told, I enjoyed the use of descriptive language throughout which was your strongpoint for me personally, “the vehicle echoed the shadows,” at the beginning and a “honking car,” a little later on with the “Engine hum” etc were well worked and drove the piece forward (Pun ALWAYS intended). I felt from a technical standpoint your use of multi-strings was rather well done, sometimes it read a little unnatural in their usage perhaps, but overall showed your skill set in that area and I enjoyed that you mixed the rhyme scheme up at points. The closing lines were probably my favourite of the joint, ended strongly, and I felt you improved as you progresed with this one - there were some signs of a little ring rust, as is to be expected somewhat, but it all started to come together and the right time and that bodes well for you in this tournament.


Objective - This was very well told, cleaner so than Bladed’s in spots, with you opting for a more precise, shorter-lined, line length that aided the verse a lot. I see you’re again toying harder with the rhyme schemes and multi syllable rhymes from a technical standpoint and it’s paying off - there’s a huge marked improvement in your more recent work. You also had some good visual imagery scattered throughout this one, “vacant sky awakened by the moon,” was a personal standout that took my eye but “pocket knife lay waste to the bark,” was a solid description also. This was a heck of a lot closer than I think people had it down as on paper; both writers quite evenly matched on a technical standpoint, the two of you taking a not-all-dissimilar approach to the topic itself, good visual imagery throughout both so the deciding factor, for me personally, came down to the execution and in the end I preferred the murderous body in the trunk from Bladed over Objectives rekindled romance under the light of the moon.