Diablo: Really felt the flow of your piece from the start. The wording and pace was excellent. Walking us through messenging and process and feeling her emotions with each response back and forth. I do think your piece didn't capture the photo entirely, especially the disarray outside the light of the screen compared to the organized life inside the light of the screen. That seemed to me the most interesting part of the picture and you didn't touch on it so that was a bit disappointing but overall a strong verse from you.
Razah: Thought your piece came off a bit basic to start. The imagery and wording of a lot of the beginning is just standard in my opinion. Also felt the rhyme scheme missed a few times, though the multis were there for the most part. Like Diablo, I felt you maybe missed touching on the most important part of the picture with the disarray vs organization dichotomy but overall the verse was okay. I felt it was a little basic, a little simple. Both in the emotions of the piece as well as the wording and imagery.
Vote: Diablo. Felt his verse had more depth to it both conceptually and contextually. Both had their ups and downs but Diablo's was constructed a little more complex with a strong use of wording and imagery. Good job, guys.
__________________
mere morals fall again, mere mortals stall my blades?
ive gone everywhere 'n everywhere gone gotten Hall of Fame |