Diablo - totally thought with the way tension was being built that this was going to turn into a stalker/murderer scenario and a warning to children about talking to strangers on the internet lol, this was a cool verse and you did a great job building some tension and painting this cool picture and yeah your reveal was a good one but it just lacked a punch in my eyes? Like I was on the edge of my seat waiting for this other person to be revealed but then the stakes just kind of died when it was the mother. It felt like you didn’t have room to work your regular Lars magic with this short line limit but it was good for what it was and I know the end is meant to be a little silly it just didn’t resonate with me completely
Razah - yo rza razah hit em with that flava lol
This verse was pretty hilarious in all honesty because we’ve all been there to that shameful place, your ending bar was fucking jokes I laughed out loud. But story wise this lacked and it was pretty hollow. I mean if you threw a twist at the end like going to meet her and she ends up robbin the dude and killing him that would have been a good conclusion but this was just really one dimensional and there wasn’t any real story progression. Rhyming was good and the imagery brought me back to shameful places I’m not proud of lol but as an overall topical this one lacked in my eyes. It was a super entertaining read as a stand-alone piece.
Going with Diablo here though his ending didn’t wow me he told an intriguing story and played his cards consistently
V/Diablo
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