Inno
So I'm not gonna dock you for this (Seriously. I'm looking at the quality of the content.) but you do need to try to be more flawless with your spelling and grammar. Little things like "intern" instead of "in turn", or a couple "should ofs" instead of "should have", or "where" instead of "were".
But anyways, onto the verse itself, it was a good buildup. Sounded like it was dripping with regret, which is what I think you were going for. A look at a relationship that may have contained more lust than love?
I understood who we where but who we are is a mystery
We never added up but I went along with the symmetry
At the time we bounded together getting lost in our energy
Never realizing we only mixed to create temporary chemistry
Dope. My favorite part by far. I enjoy the 3 syllable end rhymes. But more than that I feel like these 4 lines completely encompass the entire piece.
I noticed this piece is more literal than some of your metaphorical-laced works earlier in the season. I liked the change.
I thought the end/twist was quite a jolt, and seemed to "sound" less serious than the whole rest of the piece. Not that it wasn't serious, but it seemed cavalier. Oh just a tinder date.
Lars/BOOM (maybe just use 1 or 2 screennames instead of 6? lol)
A nice literal take on the quote. Very solid mechanics per usual.
It didn't have a "wow" factor, as some of your past works have had for me...but nonetheless it had positives going for it: technically sound, interesting on the backwards timeline, and then the ending was more of a philosophical "wrap-up".
My fragile body aches with every beat of my heart
feeling it’s cardiac arrhythmia as my breathing restarts.
Clean.
Within months I’m in perfect health, as fit as a fiddle,
I’d put on a bit in the middle but do excuse me for living a little.
This is very Lars-esque. As most people would not know how to properly word this couplet. It flows nice due to the "do excuse me" in the middle of the second line.
You tend to notice little things like this in your voting breakdowns so I thought I'd return the favor with this bit.
What good is there in living life through nothing that’s stressful?
It’s the struggles that test you which see us at our fullest potential.
Again, very clean. 3 good multis packed into an inspiring couplet.
Like I said earlier, this verse didn't WOW me, like your Mario verse or some others, but it's enough to take it in this contest, even though Inno brought a good vese as well.
V Lars
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