[Sharp]

[Intro]

What’s up everyone, Sharp back after a change of pace for week 4’s mag and this week’s mag features some fresh faces to break up my boring bullshit. Week 4 saw some of our dopest punches and battles so far, setting the scene for our first champ match between Hush and Blue Bayou, the two remaining battlers with perfect seasons. But before we get into all of that, here’s a quick public service announcement from none other than our own Destroyer.





[Swayer’s Corner]
[Destroyer]
Hello fellow NCgs and welcome to the first edition of swayer’s corner with ur boy Destro. In this column, I’d like to take the time out to congratulate those voters out there who are already on the right track. @UserName, @Amen, @FGR, @TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO you guys are on point. @Zuchiefiasco, @Adverse, @evaD, you guys need some work. Upon researching, it appears that you guys have voted for me in the past, but nowhere near consistently enough. Look, I don’t want to be pointing this out anymore than I’m sure you guys don’t want to be reading it. I’m sure you think you “always vote fairly” and “vote for who you thought won,” but let me just point out why that philosophy falls apart and should be abandoned. On occasion, quite often, it causes you guys to vote for someone other than Destroyer. This is a problem. But luckily, every problem has a solution, and that’s alcohol. In this case, though, no need to treat your liver like Zuchie does. This solution is so much easier, and better for your overall health. Vote Destroyer. Just do it. Chances are that bar you didn’t get was just over your head. Trust me, it was still super duper dope flames. If you guys can make this a part of your regular league activity, I think we all would be better served. So, again, vote Destroyer, or, as I think @Sharp would attest to this also, just don’t vote.
Happy pic battling!!!

-des


[Reviews]
[Sharp]

Contender Match: Blue Bayou 3-0 vs Resin M-I-C 3-0
Blue wins 5-3

In arguably the battle of the week, Blue secured a spot in the first champ match… maybe now he’ll vote on a battle? This battle, like any other long one between dope heads, boiled down to consistency. Most of the voters thought all of Blue’s punches were at least jabs aside from his ‘In Utero’ punch (probably my favorite Nirvana album too, but I didn’ get it tbh). Resin’s verse was generally seen as less consistent but having harder hits. His lines about Blue’s hair especially stood out, while the shoes bars got some mixed reactions. Blue’s consistency really shined in comparison since he was able to land hard hits on different angles. In my opinion, Blue is (and has been) the guy to beat on longer (16 bar+) battles for this very reason. If it were Resin’s best 10 vs Blue’s, this could have gone very differently. As it stands, Blue earns his Champ shot with one of the more consistent verses we’ve had.


Contender Match: Hush 3-0 vs UserName 2-1
Hush wins 5-4

This battle was a dope, funny read that interestingly highlighted a real split in tastes. It’s not exactly UPN vs NC, but it seemed like most of the voters were split on the first half of User’s verse. A lot of his bars relied entirely on being funny conceptually, which is probably User’s strong suit. When those kind of bars hit, their impact is significant - it’s a huge part of why User is one of the guys to beat - but when they don’t do it for you, they feel like misses. I personally feel into the ‘fucked with some’ category, but as a reporter I was surprised to see just how divided voters were on User’s verse. Hush’s verse was arguably more consistent in the post, but definitely more consistent among voters. The Greenland and Shade bars went above the average ‘fat’ bar by tying in the pic itself. The Jordan undershirt bar was a hell of a dated reference, but if you remember the commercial, it was solid. His other bars got mixed reactions too. I personally really enjoyed this battle, despite not having consistent bangers from either it highlighted how this league is facilitating different styles, and the votes showed people fuck with both. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who found it hard to pick a winner, but Hush squeaks by in a tight one.


Destroyer 2-1 vs FGR 2-1
FGR wins 5-1

I should have let Destroyer write this review. He had some funny bars that didn’t receive universal love and the deciding vote was Ouch. His Selfie stick and Eye on your Heart bars were clever observations with great execution, but it seemed like the voters couldn’t agree on any other bar. The thin blue line bar was a little wordy, but I don’t have a lot of criticism for his verse. FGR kind of surprised me this week by asking for a pic from Zuch that had more than his face, but this verse is a great example of him thriving off of ammo. Almost his entire verse, and consequently his standouts, were related entirely to the costume/backdrop. His Bags line wasn’t bad, but his best personal was combining Des’ age with the costume in that Wednesday bar. Really enjoyed this battle, though. Reading over the battle, it’s fair to say that FGR was more consistent with hits, but I could’ve used more bangers about Des himself. Still great read from both as FGR moves into contendership.


Bomb Bard 2-1 vs Zuch 2-1: Return of the Lobster
Zuch wins 5-2

That cursed beast, scourge of the sea, bane of Barcotic, the Lobster returns. This time, it’s opponent was ready for it. I was sorely missing a coattails line from Zuch but that’s about my one complaint. He was pretty consistent throughout with nothing crazy, but nothing too bad. Certainly kept his verse averaging above the whack line. Spree had the opposite problem. His verse started strong but he didn’t quite have the consistency afterwards. Voters were generally fans of his opener, most liking his mustache bar, but afterwards his reactions were lukewarm at best. Zuch had his best hits spaced out effectively. Might have relied on humor a little bit more than I would’ve liked but he definitely got the job done, earning him a contender spot.


evaD 1-0 vs Adverse 1-2
evaD wins 5-0

This was a good battle. Adverse has impressed with some of his observational humor. The Tom Brady line was on point and reminiscent of his ‘Peter Griffin’s Shadow’ bar from the week before. I just wish he spent more time on Dave than Dave’s cat. If he could take that level of humor and point it directly at his opponent, he’d be fucking trouble. The pussy/cat bars were done when Adverse was 5 years old, but it was at least relevant. The Tiger King bar was a better use of it. Dave’s advantage, imo, was that his best bars were still disses about his opponent. My favorites were easily the Paul Giamatti and Jansport lines. Giamatti being jokes, Jansport being mad clever, both coming back to insulting Adverse. My biggest complaint about the battle had to be that ‘repeating’ and ‘pecan’ don’t rhyme smh. Fun read though.


TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO 1-2 vs Wanderer 1-2
Wanderer wins 5-2

This is probably my favorite Wanderer verse of the season. He’s always had some funny bars but last week he came with humor, punches, and consistency. The guts spilled over a belt, truffle shuffle, and head above water bars were all great hits. His opener and closer weren’t bad, but the opener was overshadowed by better fat bars later and the closer, while a good choice to have a bar that wasn’t ‘ur fat’, was a little weirdly worded. Would’ve been tough to do that and sound like a battle bar because when you get into ‘the color of autumn leaves’ at the end of a bar, you better hope you’re writing a topical. Top was good, but didn’t have the consistency to hang with Wanderer’s verse. As funny as the Benjamin Button bar was, the whole verse had mixed reception. Some guys liked some bars, some voters preferred others, and that doesn’t bode well for you. Don’t even need to address him throwing the phrase ‘drink my cum’ in a verse... Top falls to 1-3 and is probably the deadliest person with that low of a ranking, while Wanderer establishes himself as a mean motherfucker.


Mac 1-2 vs Zaddy 0-3
Zelph wins 6-4

This one was really Mac’s battle to lose and unfortunately, that’s what happened. Props to Zelph for managing to only be 12 hours late, props to Mac for being sportsman of the year for actively allowing it to happen. Mac’s bars showed some good work in finding ammo, but struggling in execution. I think he would’ve won if his opener and closer were done better because the starting point is solid, but somewhere between point A and point B he loses the voter’s attention. If he can refine that, he’ll do some damage because he’s got a good sense of concepts. Zelph… flipped…. ‘A mountain’ as… ‘amountin’.... And I’m not mad at any of you for quoting it, just disappointed.





[Top Punches]
[FGR]

No order...

Threw passes in this wedding. Yeah this is gettin carnal to me..
cuz this Reception looks like it lateraled into a Faggot: Party of 3.
- RESIN vs BLUE
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This life can be a bitch, not every dude can get them pants off
So I’m just tryna cut through the*B.S.*and squeeze some titties like your jansport
-EVAD vs ADVERSE
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it might fit ur style but it’s clear to me that shirt isn’t willing...
I haven’t seen black push that hard against a thin blue line since the George Floyd killing
-DESTROYER vs FGR
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Look at my jawline, THAT’S perfect dieting
While your belly has a curvature that could disband Flat Earth Society
-ZUCH vs BOMB BARD
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That’s your mom’s crib right? I’m not even bombing, it’s a fact
I can tell, I see the tapestry she made of our used condoms in the back
-USERNAME vs HUSH
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I think that's a Morticia costume right? That's what I'd say..
It's hard to tell..cuz standing next to your old ass makes her look like Wednesday
-FGR vs DESTROYER
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W/those two dudes it look like you trying to get dick quick
Can’t tell if you got the herpes.. or if that’s just how Neighbor left your lip split
-BOMB BARD vs ZUCH
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My blade’ll open up that belly coz NONE of ur shit’s ever felt
Title chances mirror this pic.. u can get ur guts spilled over a belt
-WANDERER vs TOP ILL
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Listen Erik the read a lot of verses .. that Walmart look ain’t fancy
ya shirt got all that Greenland & ur built like a Viking who only raids pantries
-HUSH vs USERNAME

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fuck your twin tail pipe van with that crusty leather
duel exhaust for me is 4 hours of ur wife & sister seein who can fuck me better
i haven’t seen cheeks that big in my life my man damn
face rounder then the Kumate ring where you lost ya fight to Van Damme
-BLUE vs RESIN


[Interview with evaD]

Yo, Sharp here with one of the league's rising stars, the BA Show and Prove champ, Dave aka the dude with the meanest looking motherfucker of a cat. What's up, champ?

Nothing much man, just at work. I left the cat at home giving Inno’s pic the death stare. She should have all my concepts ready for me when I get home.

First, I have to ask about your text history. It's obvious you're experienced, but was it only on UPN? Any other names we might recognize? Any other sites?

I started out on the illustrious ruffrydersworld just from being really into dmx and the lox when I was a kid. One of those sites where people had banner signatures with their names and like a heavily filtered picture of drag-on. I was also on RM and and Rhymenreason before settling on upn. UPN basically turned into a graveyard though but covid ressurected a few dinosaurs for the tourney and it was fun.

The new blind voting system is starting to highlight a difference in taste between crowds. It's not exactly UPN vs NC, but it's pretty close (look at Hush vs User, for example). Do you think that'll help or hurt your chances this season? Why?

I haven’t actually read the votes on that battle yet but I thought Hush edged it. The system works to me. I don’t think it will help or hinder me as Im not really respected from either side.

Has anyone in particular impressed you? Is there anyone you'd want to battle?

Hush has been good throughout. Blue bayou impressed me when he came for the upn tourney. Orc has a good style too. Zuch has been better than I remember. Resin and User are GOAT status. I never even looked at this site before so it’s funny to see some names that kind of never really made it at upn in like the archives here.

What do you think of the new hidden votes system?

It’s cool. Makes it more of a level playing field. I like to be able to individually hate-read every vote against me as they come in though.

Champ matches start this week with Blue vs Hush. Who's your pick to win? Who else do you see champing this season?

This one should be fire I think. Two of the best in the league. If I had to pick I’ll say Hush this time

Thanks for doing this interview! As always, you have the last word for shout outs/callouts/words of wisdom/whatever

Live, Laugh, Love.





[Previews]
[Sharp]

Champ Match: Hush 4-0 vs Blue Bayou 4-0
As if there was any more fitting champ match. Two NC HOF members, two undefeated, perfect seasons, two different styles and approaches, and only one champ.

Hush has had a slow warm up to his season, starting against Exis and Adverse, he seemed to do just enough to win. Weeks 3 and 4 saw a huge uptick in his opponent ability level in Neighbor and User, and showed that he was able to hang with top tier talent. The issue that’s plagued him in these verses has undoubtedly been consistency, and Blue Bayou might just be the worst person to have that problem against. Hush will need his most on point verse of the season to take it. Historically, he’s absolutely capable of it. But history doesn’t matter nearly as much as this week. Does he have that consistency in him? We’ll see.

Blue Bayou. Toronto’s Terror of Text. A win over Blue Bayou is it’s own achievement (see my achievement list) because it feels like he treats every battle like a champ match and high stakes matches like his life depends on it. He’s been noted for one big thing in the last four weeks - consistency. After just edging out Top iLL in week one, he dropped some of the most powerful no-show verses I’ve ever seen against Inno and Bomb Bard. With a considerable margin of victory over Resin, a former #1 power rank, Blue stands poised to cement himself in the site’s data as the force of the league we know him to be, but he’ll have to get past Hush. Where Hush has lacked consistency, Blue’s verses can lack those bangers that you can recall hours later. The line of the battle matters a lot and in a champ match, it’s not enough to go just above the whack line.

My prediction is a slightly more consistent verse from Blue with slightly harder hits from Hush. The margin for either one winning won’t be a KO. I’m just looking forward to reading this one.


Contender Match: Zuch 3-1 vs FGR 3-1
This one’s pretty interesting. Zuch has been one of the best at picking apart his opponent’s features, while FGR has had some great success with everything in the background. I tend to favor the more personal angles, and nothing’s more personal than dissing your opponent himself. FGR got here by taking background elements and tying them to disses on his opponent. He’ll need to keep that up to move onto a champ match. Zuch has no shortage of motivation to bar out - he doesn’t need much to go off in general, but the pressure of a champ match hanging on the line will probably bring out the best. Considering he just won a keystyle tourney, I think Zuch has the edge with performance when it counts.

Zuch: 55/45


UserName 2-2 vs Destroyer 2-2
These two might be the strongest to have a .500 record. The observation-based bars from both of these guys have been absolute comedy, with both losing out on votes due to consistency. Destroyer’s treasure trove of ammo may just be his undoing here, because User has some of the funniest bars about objects in the background. Des has been good with the right ammo too, but when it comes to the just pure fat bars, he’s got half a season of bars to compare against. I’m expecting comedy, but without even seeing User’s pic, it’s hard to say how Des will do. The fact that it’s somewhat conditional doesn’t bode well for Des, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t capable.

UserName: 60/40


Wanderer 2-2 vs Bomb Bard 2-2
As much as I love Spree’s pics, he's a habitual last second dropper. I don’t expect him to no-show, but that leads to consistency issues at times. Early in the season, it wasn’t really a factor, but after a win against Barc week 1 he hasn’t performed at quite the same level. Wanderer is coming off a week with one of his most consistent verses to date and compared to Spree’s last few weeks, he’s an obvious favorite. If Spree doesn’t put this battle off to the last minute, it can be close, but right now, Wanderer has been creative with his approaches to his opponent’s pics and Spree needs more than two solid bars to take the dub.

Wanderer: 60/40


evaD 2-0 vs Inno 1-1
Inno is well suited for pic battles because he’s a funny guy. The problem for him is that Dave has demonstrated humor is one of his strong suits. If Dave can drop the way he’s been dropping, Inno’s got his work cut out for him and he’s going to need more than just jokes to take the dub. When it comes to punches, Inno can absolutely do it, but the question of whether or not he actually does will make the difference in this one.

evaD: 70/30


Zaddy 1-3 vs TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO 1-3
If this battle is amountin to anything other than a Top iLL win I’ve been wrong about everything.

Top iLL: 99/1


Mac 1-3 vs Sharp 0-0
Mac’s got some creative concepts, but struggles with execution. If he can clean up how he gets his concepts across, he’ll definitely give me a run for my rusty money. Mac also requested this awhile back, so for all I know he’s got 50 lines of ether for my skinny ass. Wish me luck NCGs

Good luck


HOT TUB RICK 0-0 vs Adverse 1-3
I don’t know. Rick's got to be an alias, but we don't have an idea who yet. He's using a goofy looking pic and Adverse has done more with less, so I'll take the safer bet, but this could be literally anyone he's up against.

Adverse: 65/35


[Outro]
Shoutout to Destroyer, FGR, and Dave for their contributions to the mag. Make sure to vote on the champ match this week, I don’t want to be ‘maybe I can close this’ at 9pm Monday next week. You know the drill, keep showing up dope and I’ll do my part. Peace