Listen..
Weighs 260 but ALL lard, body fat at a peak for this dude
Yeah you got some mussels in this pic, you’re about to eat those up too
Same pic diff angles, not here to play with this monster
It’s obvious to us that this is the only time you ever ate lobster
He ain’t got guns on his hips, as rude as it sounds
But they ARE love handles, so technically he’s still coming through with the pounds
Look at my jawline, THAT’S perfect dieting
While your belly has a curvature that could disband Flat Earth Society
Bard lost the genetic lottery, dude is far from clever
You’re only alive because God found three stray chromosomes and pooled them all together
Dude is SWEATING, nervous, can’t even enjoy that beer
Looking at his phone like “I can’t touch this lobster until my unemployment clears”