[Sharp]

[Sharp's Shit]

Shoutout to Hush for starting the mag. He has to go deal with lightning round bullshit in the keystyle tourney. Check out the fire and hilarity there. Appreciate all the extra input these mags have been getting so far (shouts out to Amen and Username for their contributions this season, too). I'm forgoing power ranks because this week's top 4 are pretty obviously the 4 contenders. Fuckin anyway...


[Reviews]

Neighbor vs Hush
This was a dope battle, but it was pretty one sided to me. Hush made better use of his opponent's pic than most people. Your attention was all over the place during the setups but the punches mostly landed squarely on Neighbor. Literally came at him from every angle (and that is absolutely riffing on his bukkake bar). Neighbor's verse wasn't bad at all. It started strong, but didn't hold up till the end and against a verse like Vic's, you can't really afford to let more than a bar get 'meh'

Hush
This human pez dispenser face looks like dead placenta..no need for semi spray
One punch a Knock your jaw off .. but ya neck go straight to your ears Anyway
The shape of this fags Adam’s Apple can’t be correct ...
My bars are out of this world .. u literally got a aliens face growing outa ya neck

Neighbor
You got that urban vibe, but grew up on a “different” street
He’s gotta thing Four Brothers; just lookin at ‘em, you can tell that Victor Sweet


Resin M-I-C vs Username

What a dope battle. This is the shit that could've ended the season and we got to watch it go down week 3. Resin got props in week one for having clever personals, but also taking what should be a played out angle - fat bars - and turning them into absolute gold. This verse started with just that with his Pete Rose and sinking feeling bars. User was no slouch with the fat angles either. His opener and closer were just comedy. Voters generally felt Resin had the more consistent verse and/or harder hits, but User deservedly grabbed a few votes with bars that really worked the ammo like his Lipton and Shameless bars.

Resin M-I-C
Your background? Being bullied in school is somethin this geek knows..
Fuck doors. Bro, you have trouble getting into the Hall more than Pete Rose.
Your features irk me. I’m gettin rid of this slouch fast..
i trust my intuition.. but my sinking feeling got NOTHING on the one that couch has.

UserName
This side angle is lame, you looked a lot bolder from the front
If he’s clapping ANY cheeks, it’s when they bounce off his shoulders as he runs
You posing in your home gym? C’mon Chunk, maybe the pic is bad?
Cuz I can tell that Tee’s more for Sleepytime than anything Lipton’s has


Adverse vs FGR

Probably the closest battle of the week. This one took over half of the league voting to close it and even then, it was by the slimmest of margins. These two kept it close with clever punches and arguably an equal amount of hits and misses. This is probably the most 'came down to taste' battle of the season so far, which sucks for Adverse because with a different order of votes, he would've won, but as a whole, it shows how dope it is to have two distinct writers with two distinct styles keeping it competitive. Shout outs to both of these guys, I hope they keep doing what they've been doing. Had to re-read this one twice to come to a decision and I really didn't mind - good drops from both as FGR squeaks by.

FGR
Trashed ass sneaks...replace them when you get money in your hands
I'd rather take my chances with strangers & candy then to ever step in them vans

Adverse
I can say "HA he came dressed for his own funeral!" Let the heater end this battle
But I'd rather commend him on his dope cosplay….. of Peter Griffin's shadow


Destroyer vs Wanderer

My initial reaction here was that after week two, I'm so glad Des actually made use of the Nutcracker in the pic. Wanderer basically gifted 3 bars to Zelph and Zelph did... well, his Zelph stuff. Des had the bars teed up, but damn he hit with some unexpected force. The 'nuts on tongues' bar didn't disappoint, but the shiny head bar had me double taking. Despite being a KO win, Wanderer wasn't a slouch. He combined elements of the pic with basic personals to put together some fresh 'Des is old bars', and the only person who's seen more 'Des is old bars' than me is Des himself.

Destroyer
Queers are sposed to have fashion sense. But u just come off scary
If that’s the nutcracker then that shirt makes u the sugar plum fairy
look. Just shave it all off. admit that ur hirsute days are behind u
ur friend has gemstones on his head and urs still produces the bigger shine dude

Wanderer
health problems with age? Angina’s fuckin u hard
Says ‘prepare to feel a beating’... while u the one already clutching ur heart


Zuch vs TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO

My favorite kind of battle. Short, direct, and clever. Both of these guys are funny battlers with different approaches to obvious concepts that makes for a great read. The 'fat' bars from Zuch were generally good, but reading the verse again his opener (the one time he didn't go after his weight directly) stands out more for being a break from the same angle. The fat bars themselves weren't stale, per se, but with 4 in a row it's an uphill battle to make each one hit just as (if not more) effectively. Zuch managed to do it here, though, and his waistband and cut-off bars were some of my favorites. Top is clearly a funny guy and it showed best in his David Lynch bar. My interpretation of the votes is that most people just prefer a bigger emphasis on some level of wordplay than what Top brings, which is more like observational humor. In that sense, he's starting at a disadvantage and has to hit absurdly hard to really make it work at all, let alone beat a verse as well put together as Zuch's. Seemed like Zuch's style is more voter-friendly, but this battle was still a great read.

Zuch
Who made this alias? Forget hesitating, it’s time
Just look at those genes, not even his parents would admit to creating this guy
It’s quite grim how you’re Foldin’ under pressure
That waistband is sad, clinically depressed, Fuck how does it hold it all together

TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO
Everything out of place, nigga you broke my lens
Netcee’s very own David Lynch, his features just don’t make sense


[Outro]

Yeah, this is it. Sorry if it's short, we had a miscommunication on shit. I'll make it up with more features next week. Keep up the voting, and shoutout to Hush for getting the mag started. You know the drill. Peace