sup dude. this was cool. i liked it. you have some skills, there are alot of good things in this. but overall it felt a little choppy and scattered to me. just a bit raw if you know what i mean.. didn't feel overly well thought out or polished. Check out Genocides piece called it went where it went to see a really well constructed verse. Flow wize no complaints.. it wasn't perfect but it worked, the content just seemed a little all over the place. also the vocab was really basic man. not that every verse needs crazy vocab but it helps with ur scheming. for example i think all of ur actual rhymes were only 2 to 4 syllables... that shit is extremely easy man. check out dudes like Vulgar, Lars, Yoda you will see they rhyme sooo many more syllables/words than this and when its done right it comes off really impressively. Anyways dude. not hating on u, this i the first thing ive read from you, and i like ur potential so im just trying to give u real legit feedback that can hopefully help you. like i said i liked alot of this but if you were to concentrate a little more ona few things i think it could be way better. keep posting man. and read read read lots a different ppl in here, there are TONS of awesome writers in this section
|