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Old 06-27-2020, 09:35 AM   #10
Artifice
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 269
Battle Record: 17-9


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dopeness all-around in here...

Sym:

I really enjoyed this, especially upon a re-read. Agree with Johnny it's got this vibe of a medieval/renaissance vibe to it, but I also felt tinges of Poe's The Raven, maybe because of the crow and the call-back to the initial line, either way it was good. I don't think you had to forfeit too much story-telling to keep your scheme, I think the angle you chose limited how you could develop your story... and given the angle you took, I thought you did a good job. On a purely technical/mechanical level, this was smooth as fuck. The a/b/a/b rhyming mixed with the internals had the cadence bouncing nicely. Language also helped paint a picture of the story, well executed.

Inno:

damn, you pulled on the heart-strings with this one. You took a slightly more literal approach to the topic but twisted it using a part of the human condition I think we can all relate to (even if we don't have kids). A standard-ish story but you gave it enough personality that it didn't feel formulaic at all. And the ending was solid, had a touch of that poetic vibe we know you for.

Overall, I think this is a closer battle than the votes are suggesting, but that emotional hook Inno threw punctured, so...

v/ Inno
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