dope reads here gents...
Johnny:
The riddle aspect was really well-executed. The story moved at a good pace and never felt rushed or drawn out. Solid descriptive language helped build the scene.
The whole riddle section in italics was smooth as fuck, real easy read and as the focal point of the story, served its purpose well.
These two parts stood out to me:
I tied myself IN knots trying to bend my thoughts to solve it
Championed patience over eagerness in this lonesome walk to profit
Meditated on mountain tops, memorised every crack and fissure
Spent a year in silence to better know the meaning of a whisper
you missed the IN in the first couplet, but otherwise both couplets hit me. The first was just a cool expression of the struggle, the second couplet (in particular the second line of the couplet) was fire imo... on some straight zen buddhism type-ish.
The way you tied it all together was cool too, the child having the answer that was so obvious we all miss it. "And a little child shall lead them..." Solid work here.
MMLP:
Damn, for just throwing something together so you didn't no-show (props for that btw) this was dope. You tackled one of my favourite subjects, and you did it in a cool way. The personification of the creation of the universe allows for some interesting turns of phrase and language, and you executed that here. I think if you had more time to flush out the piece it would've been super-close.
Mostly alone in the dark as fractions were splitting
practically swimming
but we stuck together acting on instinct
Were gonna go out with a bang no matter what’s brimming
as natural intuition had taken over
a truly smouldering environment in a strange enclosure
a supernova, ageing slower
but in blistering conditions, I somehow gained composure
that was my favourite section, though I enjoyed the whole piece.
Props to both, was a great contender's match even though MMLP had to rush to get something up, enjoyed the reads...
v/ Johnny
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