candy, man i don't know why but i fuckin love "sonnet of umm" lulz. it was awesome to me. i usually appreciate you weirdo turn of phrase but sometimes it seems you do it just to do it you know. What i mean is, it seems you thought it out and just kind of throw it in there then design the rest of the line around it. don't get me wrong there were some very cool stuff like that sonnet but, i guess what i'm saying is i don't understand some of the lines or the verse as a whole. Maybe try to be a bit more accessible moving forward you know? its cool to be all abstract but don't lose you readers because of it.
symetrik, there were a few instances of awkward phrases such as
Quote:
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I'm waiting to speak, but longer and longer I'm feeling too weak.
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but i enjoyed this. the structure looked messy but it flowed smooth as hell. reminds me of frank in a way where he can make these long lines work you know? the verse was a bit cryptic to me like did he die at the end? i did like how had this birds at the window callback. it made the verse come full circle which im a fan of and often use in my own writing. overall, i'd be lying if i say i understood it completely but the writing was very good. thanks my man.
broken, ok well i definitely didn't understand what this verse was all about. I really try but i believe my intelligence was not quite there yet to grasp the full scope of this verse. its a lil frustrating actually lulz. the rhyming however was very crisp. you always have unique ways of phrasing stuff, very similar to candy. but aside from flashes of lights, i was in the dark most of the time.
man this was like a battle to see who can go the most abstract lulz. overall, i was at least able to catch on to what symetrik was saying so, due to clarity, i will have to go with symetrik. technically speaking, it was very even. thanks for the read my dudes.