Universe- normally I feel my attention starting to wander when I read a piece this long but you held my attention from start to finish. was speckled with one liners with shine in a different light once we know the ending to the piece. This is kind of like if Superman got the Joker treatment and gets big points for originality because of that. The rhyme scheme was straightforward for the most part but not simplistic. Good choice of vocab throughout. The narrative flow was what really made this an entertaining read. Well done.
Scar- Another superhero theme tied in with this but a different direction to give it originality. I related to the escapism the main character had which stood in sharp contrast to the reality he was stuck in. The parallel of swinging free as spiderman and him leaping out of the window was an inspired touch. Your use of imagery painted a clear picture. Rhyme wise it got the job done. The ending was unsurprising but appropriate given the context of everything that came before it. I would've liked a deeper exploration of the parents but that's a minor point. Nice work.
Vote- Universe, preferred his take and some of the mechanics. Good battle guys.
|