j6f, well maybe its a pronunciation thing but fortune and towards you didn't rhyme to me lulz. then i started looking for multies around it to see if it was one of those hanging rhyme thing. anyway, i can tell you really enjoy writing this because it touched base on your real world passion of acting. honestly bro, this was really good.
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Every word; an autopsy to find the perfect inflection
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i think this was the perfect summation of what actors go through. its all in the nuance you know. the flow was dope. There were instances of cliches but it didn't hinder the read too much.
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No wife to wed, no kids to raise; just a part you'd kill for!
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you're married to the sea. i see you, i see you. This was a cool look into the mind of an actor still waiting for his light to go all lime and i love that you explored the valley and peaks of your art. enjoyed it quite a bit.
inno, i don't think ive ever seen a topical verse that relied striclty on the abab rhyme scheme. I have to give you bravery points lulz. i think you did it well because you kind of set it up with a strong vowel sound and some subtle inner multies, which gave the scheme coherency. clever. As far as the content, i'm a bit on the fence here. Its very stale in a sense where i can see someone new to the art would write. basically a soliloquy on lthe lower equations of life. Its been done by pretty much everyone. My main issue is that, there doesn't seem to be a cause factor, you know? like ok, he feels hopeless but like why? its a component too vast to ignore especially when you choose to tackle a topic as general as the "my life feels meaningless" trope. I do like alot of the verbiage however.
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At this point the end of the world is not coming, it’s waiting for me and I’m late
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that was awesome. but then you have lines like
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Not realizing how strong I am I pretend to be weak
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theres a disconnect there. how can you pretend to be weak if you're not even sure if you're strong or in this case, not realize that you are strong at all? thats like me saying i'm pretending to not be a cop when im not even a cop lulz. well that's how i took it lulz.
i think both had very interesting take on the topic but i just felt J6f had a more focus concept that he tailored his writing around.
v/ Johnny 6 Feet