Netcees - View Single Post - WEEK 10: Inno vs Johnny 6feet

Universe · 06-16-2020, 04:35 AM

Johnny 6 Feet - I really liked this verse. I think it is overall the cleanest and smoothest take we've seen from you yet. I thought the flow was beautiful and I loved the message behind it - a tortured artist, the weight of the world on his/her shoulders, to the point where real life takes a backseat. I can totally relate. That's called loving your craft. The imaginary world of creation is always so alluring, isn't it? You portrayed that nicely here. Also you played a little bit with the concept of expectations... and how living up to them can literally take everything from you...

"Stop choking on your pride boy! You should've swallowed sooner!
No sleep? No excuse! You're sick? Suck it up!
It's 3 months until this tour ends and no-one gives a fuck!"

I just think you nailed the struggle of staring at a blank page with that cursor blinking... torturing you and egging you on ...

"I'm searching for the Midas touch; a script minted in gold
The road bears my footfalls so often, they're imprinted in stone"

Overall, Ioved this. Well done.

Inno - You brought it too. A little bit of a different flow from you here, and although jarring at first, it actually is rather good once you get used to the cadence. You had some really deep, thoughtful lines as well - a lot of them require a second read almost straight away to fully grasp the meaning behind them. For example, I loved the opener:

"I catch the glimpses of eyes heavy with judgement*
Weighing me down like a thousand anchors catching waves
I climb stairs all day but can’t seem to leave the basement*
Its like I’m a corpse wandering aimless through graves"

As I sift through this, I gotta agree with Adverse in saying this is one of your best efforts so far. Each line has an impact, some more than others obviously, but overall this is a very solid piece of work. I feel like this is a verse full of one liners that happened to coincide and connect at random points... it is well done for sure. Although I noticed you rhymed "hands" with "hand" at one point lol. Liked the line though. And this:

"Stripping myself to basic instinct until the future looks bleak"

Cool ending too.

Super close battle. I'll give one a slight edge over the other in terms of flow, consistency and overall effect it had on me personally while reading it.

Vote - Johnny 6 Feet

Great job by you both. This for sure will be a back and forth battle until the end.

06-16-2020, 04:35 AM	#9
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Johnny 6 Feet - I really liked this verse. I think it is overall the cleanest and smoothest take we've seen from you yet. I thought the flow was beautiful and I loved the message behind it - a tortured artist, the weight of the world on his/her shoulders, to the point where real life takes a backseat. I can totally relate. That's called loving your craft. The imaginary world of creation is always so alluring, isn't it? You portrayed that nicely here. Also you played a little bit with the concept of expectations... and how living up to them can literally take everything from you... "Stop choking on your pride boy! You should've swallowed sooner! No sleep? No excuse! You're sick? Suck it up! It's 3 months until this tour ends and no-one gives a fuck!" I just think you nailed the struggle of staring at a blank page with that cursor blinking... torturing you and egging you on ... "I'm searching for the Midas touch; a script minted in gold The road bears my footfalls so often, they're imprinted in stone" Overall, Ioved this. Well done. Inno - You brought it too. A little bit of a different flow from you here, and although jarring at first, it actually is rather good once you get used to the cadence. You had some really deep, thoughtful lines as well - a lot of them require a second read almost straight away to fully grasp the meaning behind them. For example, I loved the opener: "I catch the glimpses of eyes heavy with judgement* Weighing me down like a thousand anchors catching waves I climb stairs all day but can’t seem to leave the basement* Its like I’m a corpse wandering aimless through graves" As I sift through this, I gotta agree with Adverse in saying this is one of your best efforts so far. Each line has an impact, some more than others obviously, but overall this is a very solid piece of work. I feel like this is a verse full of one liners that happened to coincide and connect at random points... it is well done for sure. Although I noticed you rhymed "hands" with "hand" at one point lol. Liked the line though. And this: "Stripping myself to basic instinct until the future looks bleak" Cool ending too. Super close battle. I'll give one a slight edge over the other in terms of flow, consistency and overall effect it had on me personally while reading it. Vote - Johnny 6 Feet Great job by you both. This for sure will be a back and forth battle until the end. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..