i'll be honest with you guys, i fucking hated that picture lulz mainly because looking at it, i would never come up with a topic for it - well maybe not never but it would take a lot of effort ha ha. well anyway.
grave digger johnny. you know i always feel that addiction is a habit. i remember reading somewhere about smoking addiction. the article argued that its less nicotine and more so that motion; the smokes between the finger, the exhale and inhale. This verse tells of a guy who kicked the habit cold turkey, but not before experiencing withdrawals. the hour format was really cool. I can definitely see a movie from this my man. The rhyme scheme was great. and i especially like how you were able to rhyme every other line in one section. that was pretty cool. I think what i admire most about this verse were the poetic brush strokes. Very brave to do that against Adverse cause that's like his strength but i definitely thought you held your own. "arthritic pain lances my joints" hey that was a cool and unique expression - well to me anyway lulz. "I heave ho! Another splash stains the multicolour ocean
A Jackson Pollock, a boiling sea for poor sinner's to roast in" that couplet was awesome but do you really roast in water? if so i've never heard of it except for maybe pot roast? lul. "A side-effect, hallucination, a woman drawn in silver lines" that was awesome! The verse ended on an upbeat manner which is cool. My only gripe is that sometimes the syllables seems uneven resulting in jarring moments. That aside, this was an awesome read my man. really enjoyed it.
adverse, this was awesome yo. If im reading it correctly, its about a girl who is fighting on for dear life - literally - and the whole verse captures that threshold between life and death. It was described palpably and with your signature poetic touch. I did think the lines were a little long, which i feel could have been remedied with some internal rhyming for a smoother flow but honestly that was minute in compared to the other aspect of writing. mainly the concept. The crow is, i believe, akin to Charron who leads the dead to the afterlife. The verse was a fine moment of world building. Everything was presented vividly, even down to colors lulz. I thought your utilization of the picture was very good!
this is really a tough battle. I've mulled over it for the past two days. Everything was almost dead even. And i enjoyed both for different reason. Both tackled the topic in a fantastic way. one more so than the other. I though Johnny had the stronger written but adverse with the more enjoyable concept so it kind of cancel itself out. With that said, the one thing that separated the two was the use of topic. I thought in that respect, Adverse tackled a little better, utilizing more aspect of it while incorporating a world building approach that was really cool.
v/ Adverse. I hope johnny get some votes. this battle is definitely way closer than the votes are indicating.
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