Battle Of The Week for sure here fellas!
I always like to take a look at the image first and see what I drew from it. The picture was a goodie, full of angles to be explored and open to some serious world-building — my first thoughts are “Who could these women be, and why is the central one human (the rest deceased)?” It looks to me at first glance like she would be some sort of Queen possibly, and the rest her servants, or possibly other former monarchs in her family tree - the lineage all resulting in death somehow, and maybe our Queen somehow managed/manages to escape the reapers hand, or plans to do so? It’s an interesting one. Let’s see what you guys get from it...
Vulgar - Your verse sets the scene well from the gate with the mansions descriptions and some solid world building to introduce the characters at play - the long distance swimmer detail in particular was done well as it added some backstory to the Fatherly character, but it also serves as somewhat of a red herring to the reader because it reads as if it’s some sort of Chekhov’s Gun that should be paid attention to when it’s not so essential in truth. I liked that misdirection to it, you utilised it well IMO and I didn’t see anyone else mention that yet. I agree with Pancake that the dialogue section was the standout here, the pomegranate tea line especially was another deft touch of you centring the verse in the period well and making it more believable. I think my favourite section was around 2/3rds into this one, from there on it was really enjoyable and you don’t even realise you’re reading a topical verse as it has you immersed in the writing. I maybe half-expected a twist to be truthful, so I was pleased when you didn’t go that route. I don’t think it needed it. It was almost a period snapshot of the young female being sworn in to the family business and having no qualms about getting her hands dirty when required. Very enjoyable read.
Adverse - You had me intrigued from the opening line, it was almost like a riddle and I wanted to know why you weren’t born. The cogs start turning instantly. The prisoner of redundancy line was you putting some of yourself into your work with you recently losing your job - I thought that was very subtle and deftly done but I noticed what you did there. Lol. The realisation that you were actually a painting itself was a dope twist, one I didn’t see coming, and the more creative here I felt. The closing line especially here felt more of a resolution than I got from Vulgars, so how to score it? I think in terms of world building, Vulgar had more in the way of a backstory and character development to his - but then Adverse was a canvas, an inanimate object, so he was limited as to what he could do in that category. Imagery wise the two of you were evenly matched in truth, it’s hard to split either on that front as it’s an area both excel at, I think as far as technical ability both again are neck and neck really - there’s little to score it between you both, which brings me back to personal preference for creativity and originality, and while Vulgar was very good in what he did - the “flip” on the topic that Adverse has kind of pulled the rug from under the reader at the end and I’ve long been a fan of that style of storytelling.
I’m going with Adverse here
Well done, gentleman!
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