yo i really enjoyed the interpretation you both gave.
bodey, the whole verse was about a serial pet killer who succumbed to her uncrollable urge. I love how the ending tie to the picture and the way it summed up of the idea of the verse. how you came up with that idea from that picture, i don't know, but i thought its fucking original as well. The verse was written in very accessible language as only you can make work. Its often not decorated in layered languages, just straight up conversational tone with some well timed observational to give the verse this 3d feel. I personally think stuff like "I slid my tongue against my teeth only to feel the sandpaper" lulz. i don't know what it is, but i fuckin love stuff like that idk ha ha. The rhyming and techncial side of the verse was a little below your usual standards but its understandable because this seems like a rush verse you did up to show for the battle, which is pretty cool of you. despite that, i felt this sequence of rhyming was very cool. "Without an explanation. And here he is, a yuppie, sad,
on live TV because he’s only got a couple puppy pads
left of his Labrador Retriever.
For some reason, I kept the head.
David always wanted to do theater, I gave him the News instead" I think my only issue with this week's entry was that its lacking that bodey musing, you know? You painted the character well, but i feel its missing that personal touch that i just adore about your writing. Other than that, i enjoyed this quite a bit.
inno, i actually love the concept here. using ghosts and spirits as a metaphor for drugs. awesome. At first read i was thinking about the sleep paralysis thing where some people claim to see hags and ghosts and demons sitting on their chest lulz, in particular this section here "As she stares at me with dead black emotionless eyes
Lunging at me she perches her self on my chest". cool effect my man. i do agree with the fellas above in saying that you opted for more of a traditional story style but i do still see your writing nature creep in and made itself known throughout the piece. (you like that haunting ghost imagery? lulz). i suppose my only qualm here would be the technical side of things. i know its unusually not a priority for a lot of your verse as you rely pretty much on your poetic voice but i think against certain writers, i'd try to be a bit tighter with the flow you know? nonetheless i do feel that the flow here were a lot easier to catch than your last couple entries. and concept is still really cool to me.
this was a pretty good match to me. bodey came through with her usual style of clear concise story while inno delved a little more into the narrative side of thing that he doesn't do that often, and i commend that. Technically, i felt Bodey was of higher level, but what was lacking in this verse that is often present in her verse was that emotional connection. Inno, although behind in the technical aspect, made up for it it with a cool concept and the audacity to step out of his comfort zone. Its pretty even overall so i can't really go by anything else other than enjoyment, so with that said, salma hayek would be proud and i will have to
v/ inno. I thought the way he approach the topic was more entertaining and it connected with the picture a little better than bodey's entry.
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