Nice battle here guys..
Boded - this was a solid verse, not your absolute best I’ve seen but I found you to take the “safer” route and didn’t get lost in a super complex narrative. This was technically sound and consistent storytelling wise throughout, I do kind of wish you dug a little deeper I liked the whole subplot of watching the news headline I just wish you expanded on it a little more. Your starting stanza and part of your second were your strongest parts of your piece.
The voices of newscasters slithered into my dreams,
with a TV’s Breaking-News banner dancing across the screen
I slid my tongue against my teeth only to feel the sandpaper
I’ve brushed obsessively for weeks and it’s still a vile flavor
I dragged myself off the bed and crawled into the kitchen
Keeping my face down toward the floor to ignore how I’d been livin
I was the product of a cookie-cutter family home,
One that comes together at the dinner table and laughs
My mother’s a nurse, my dad’s our softball coach
They’d read us stories, tuck us in, and leave the door open a crack
Bazooka Joe bubblegum with cherry slushies to even out the summer sun
An upbringing that didn’t exactly welcome the person I’d soon become
Liked the description here and just the overall scene you painted, liked the horror approach but thought your battle against me a couple weeks ago was a better showing of horror esque material. Good verse.
Inno - I agree with Universe from the jump that I would have rather seen your usual style here, I kind of appreciated the eerie, super poetic take. I also liked some of the metaphorical language here, this was particularly good.
Spreading a black blood so thick that my veins feel heavy
But she’s a demon of choice, she’s haunted me many times
Sucking the life out of everything until death is the only prize
You know it’s funny how hopelessness can be bliss
She wants me to give in and i welcome it...
I’ve cried wolf to many times for any sheep to hear me
It’s funny, with me the last time is always the first time on repeat
As temptation washes over me healing my aches and pain
Coursing through my veins to darken that familiar stain
That hopeless bliss sets in and I drift into utopia
She’s the needle to euphoria...
I liked that bit, but overall I’ve got to give this one to Bodey, it wasn’t her best body of work but she’s got this nostalgic language and resonates with her reader emotionally. Which makes her hard to beat imo.
V/Bodey
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