[Universe]

Bodey - Simple approach done well but it was just that... simple. This read pretty elementary in terms of technical skill (at times) but your storytelling ability was present throughout. It was a cool take on the concept; A metaphorical approach to the monster under your bed concept. The "bed" being the barrier between our sanity and insanity - or how we present ourselves and how we really feel deep down. This was a very unique way of attacking this topic so kudos for that.

Overall though, this was missing the typical Bodey flare, I felt. I know you were moving and didnt have much time, but unfortunately it showed a little this week IMO. Some suspect word choices were littered throughout... and multi's were tough to find. There were some bright spots, dont get me wrong, just they were much rarer than what im used to getting from you. And you're the champ now, so I'm holding you to a different standard. But you definitely brought it at certain points:

"Bazooka Joe bubblegum with cherry slushies to even out the summer sun
An upbringing that didn’t exactly welcome the person I’d soon become"

Love this line. It ended a nice stanza that portrayed a normal upbringing but hinting at this incessant evil growing...

"All the times my family laughed or cried, I had to fake it, keep it cordial*
Because I’d always known I wasn’t like them, nowhere close to normal"

A little off... multi's lacking.

"Unlike other kids, I never feared the boogey man nor supernatural tales*
Actually, I didn’t feel much of anything except a thirst I couldn’t pail"

Awkward word choice yet a VERY cool metaphor... I felt this was a common theme throughout. I hated the bar at first but loved it after I absorbed it lol.

I really enjoyed your ending, Bodey. A different flow to end it all and the imagery of a lost soul giving in to its nature was very effective.

This verse would probably fall somewhere in the middle from what I've seen from you in the GWL thus far. Not your best, not your worst. It was good and I enjoyed it (even though I hated the animal violence - kill people not animals please lol... yet I get the potential serial killer intentions there)... but is a middle of the road effort enough? Let's see how this stacks up against Inno...


Inno - Inno abandons his metaphorical approach for this one and goes in straight storytelling mode - different and not what I was expecting. I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing right now... I appreciate the straightforward approach to this topic, but I felt your usual style was glaringly missing - like I FELT its absence unfortunately. Some lines were overblown and read awkwardly. Your usual poetic approach and metaphor laced style would usually hide this well... but without it, your verse felt a little bare at points. Then, you would come back the very next line with a beautiful bar and it just made reading this very... jolting. I kept getting pulled one way then the other.

For example:

"It’s cold down here, I can feel my soul escape with ever breath*
The shadows move amongst themselves in the dark stealth"

That's the best example I could find... spelling error and awkward stanzas.

But...

"My heart melts from the fear, each pump of blood is deafening*
I try to fill my lungs with air to billow out the fright but no ones listening"

Much better follow up. I wish you stayed on this track. But you always bounced back and forth...

"A sudden pain rushes through my body like claws digging in*
Seeping through my skin like puss I can almost feel my blood boiling"

Not bad, but reads weird...
- upon re-read this actually reads well as a whole section, not just a single bar. I see what you did here...

"Veins on a marathoner’ pace hoping to get through this race*
Panic sets out to ruin everything as a cold sweat trickles down my face"

Vivid, descriptive... simply complex. I liked this line.

This verse was like a metronome, tick tocking one way then the next. It was inconsistent but consistent in its inconsistency lol. I came out of it wishing you brought your usual style to the table to be honest... BUT, I did appreciate you dissecting this topic through more conventional means, and I also liked how you decided to make this a reoccurring event - like a groundhog day, a "cliched haunting" that happens over and over again... and you let us in on a glimpse of one these happenings.

"I’ve cried wolf to many times for any sheep to hear me
It’s funny, with me the last time is always the first time on repeat"

Sums up your verse pretty much - a great line but technically lacking.

Overall, this was a decent battle. Some issues with each piece but I think in the end one came through with slightly more layers and depth. Both stories were good, both verses were inconsistent, with highs and lows, but both had some creativity attached like a paperclip on the edge of the paper - easy to miss but holding it all together. I liked Bodey's metaphorical approach to this topic, and I grew to like Inno's straightforward groundhog day take on it as well... but did it catch up?

Let's do the breakdown to assist my decision:

Story - Bodey (her metaphorical approach to the topic won me over in the end)
Best Lines - Inno (more impactful when they landed)
Flow - Bodey
Word Choices - Inno
Multi's - Tie (both were lacking)
Rhyme Schemes - Bodey (The final section of her verse gave her this category)
Presentation - Tie
Lasting Impression - Tie (When I think back I like them both the same - different takes but equally effective)

So I got it 3-2 Bodey with three ties. SO close.

Upon a fourth read, and respecting my breakdown categories, I have to edge it toward the verse that came off clearer and told a story that resonated with me from first read to last. To me, that's the difference here... But it was ridiculously hard to choose. I went back and forth like the metronome that you two put me through lol. How fitting.

Vote - Bodey

Thanks for the read.