This was captivating man, the story was golden from the beginning to finish, wasn’t a huge amount up for interpretation but that’s a good thing, you told the story in a very straight line and then once he wound up in the beast’s lair the imagery and vocabulary really started clicking on all cylinders, this whole excerpt right here was super dope to me
It’s body a disjointed compulsion of size and shapes.
Eyes would race from back to front, side to side in violent waves
the pressure! the scope left to his primitive cognition
It was all a bit much even for one such as Walter’s position
He felt its mental clutch. Around it, little lights and dust floated about
He adjusted his sight, examining tiny clusters of clouds
Blinking as the particles progresses in spiral patterns
His mind rattled, as he gathered what his mind would fashion
All sense and logic thrown out, he was witnessing THE TAPESTRY
the lights were suns and stars, the small concentric dusts were galaxies!
Meanwhile he’s being ripped apart, shifting back and forth from reality
Future, past and present, tossing turning simultaneously
He sees a child walking in a dust bowl that transformed into a tranquil sea
Freezing, burning, relief, the hurt, accidents, purpose - how could this be?!
Then….
Just the descriptiveness here was amazing to me. Imagery was great. Like Johnny said this felt like classic literature more than it did a hip hop topical, it felt Dickens esque. My only complaint was with the line that talked about a “huge ass cave” it felt really out of place, but that’s my only complaint. I don’t think you really need advice for the GWL. Your verse that week just simply didn’t stack up to Bodey’s. It was a misstep if anything, everyone knows you’re a dope writer so sign back in and you’ll be right back in the mix for the champ in no time. Great piece worth the read
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