I really admire the way you work the details. The story, about a band of outlaws in the Wild West in the midst of a gunfight with the sheriff -which reminds me a lot of the ok corrale incidents, was a cool one. One phrase that kept coming to mind was, “I’ll be your huckleberry” lulz. I think it’s about Jesse James. I thought the writing was really good, despite it being an older representation of you. Wasn’t really a fan of “poor whore” but again,love the details my man.
“ The bar was caked in dust, a relic of a passing age
Sunlight peered through grimy windows in a blast of rays
And illuminated the scenery in a tapestry of memories
Light played on the piano and it's bullet-ridden keys”
Awesome.
“
A last stand to last for years
But there was no chance for an exit, pursuers closed quickly
Opening up like artillery on the building so swiftly
Jebb, the piano player was the first to die
His back exploded outwards with an unearthly cry
Bob and Jess hit the windows with retaliatory action
But outnumbered 10 to 1 they could only kill a fraction
And in a gory fashion they saw the bar annihilated
Every soul sent Heavenwards as metal penetrated
Jess stifled a shriek as his brother fell, face obliterated”
I love the viscerally charged energy of the above stanza.
“ A lone bottle of corona rested on odd shaped shelves”
Yo I can’t explain exactly why, but that line above was so fucking awesome to me. And Ahain, don’t know why lulz.
Overall this was a great read that shine in its execution.
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