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Old 05-10-2020, 08:28 PM   #11
Artifice
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 269
Battle Record: 17-9


Champed
- Art Of Writing League
- GWL Picture Challenge

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Damn, this one's hard for me to decide.

Adverse

You knew you had a top tier opponent this week, so you dug deep and it showed. You did a great job painting the angst the character had felt and how they weren't really moving past it but just dwelling on it. The ending also caught me by surprise, I wasn't expecting the inception/waking life style ending. I agree with someone above that the lines were a little long, but for the most part it didn't hurt the flow much for me. A word here or there could be tweaked, but otherwise a solid effort.

dead man

You have an uncanny knack to pack so much into so little. The way you wove the character through their interaction in society (and society's general attitude toward itself) and their personal issue so seamlessly demonstrates why you're so respected. I dug your twist as well and while it didn't hit me as hard as Adverse's it brought everything full circle in a way I wasn't expecting.

This is hard, I could see myself voting differently tomorrow, but today I felt that Adverse's verse grabbed me more, despite dead man's being a little more tight technically. Props to both, great jobs.

v/ Adverse
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