I always like to think of how I would have approached the topic first as it might give an insight for you both as to what I liked about each verse. This topic was a tough one, for me, as a lot of it’s quite blank with nothing opening. Obviously the focal point is the hand reaching upward from under the waves, at first it reminded me of a poem I read about “Not waving, but drowning,” that would have fit this perfect. It doesn’t necessarily need to be someone drowning in water, though, with this person having “drowned” pulled under by the weight of everything in his life and left gasping their final breath - reaching out desperately for something, or someone, to save them before it’s too late. This could be a lot of things, the obvious ones being some sort of addition they’re in the grip of - be that alcohol, drugs or gambling. It could just be the weight of others expectations I guess if you were to flip it that way, that might be a more original and creative one. Let’s see what you guys have here...
Elfo: LOL @ this random Ouch diss topical popping up. For what it’s worth, I actually fuck with this kind of hood writers voice, you don’t see it employed too often in text topicals but I liked it here, the flow and rhyme schemes were done well, I would say you’re from a more battle-orientated background given the punchline-esque qualities you have scattered throughout the lines here. It’s definitely not your typical topical verse, but then that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I like the unorthodox style it has. It reads very cleanly, adding to the entertainment factor of it all, and it’s a breath of fresh air in a league like this to have someone write something in an entirely different tone that isn’t all just imagery based - something more tongue in cheek and humorous is a welcomed change of pace IMHO. Good work.
brokenhal0: You’re always killing it with the last minute key styles in stuff like this, this ones no different. The opening line really grabs the attention, I liked that straight off the bat as an opening line. The verse flows well enough for me to catch where the line is meant to end, even if it appears like a run-on sentence kind of deal due to the spacing. The vocabulary used was solid and maintained my attention, and this line in particular stood out to me:
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im swimming as hard as i can this wasn't part of the plan
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I liked the oceanic references throughout and the liking to feeling in the womb again as you had this seemingly decent down to Davey Jones’ locker at the bottom of the seabed. I think had you more time to streamline this brainstorm of ideas into a focused concept, it would have served you better as a whole, but your opponent excelled more so in that particular area and that’s what ultimately decided this one for me personally.
Vote - Elfo