[Bodey]

Adverse- like Uni said, stop doubting yourself. i did that all week, and went against what we all hate as writers-- posted an incomplete piece. your piece on the other hand, does not feel incomplete at all. the intro/outro was a creative touch, i liked that it was a dream he kept going for. you dont die in your dreams, which is unfortunate in his case since that's what he wants. So I chase my breath to the balcony, where the cemented ocean stretched out below us
On most nights we'd catch a high, cast a line and fish for locomotives
Picking each other's brains, inventing new ways to shift the focus..

loved that. beautiful. this was good shit, Adverse

deadman- you know me, you've always been a favorite writer of mine on here. this is probably one of my favorites that you've posted in this competition. i felt this guy's pain man, especially the lines leading up to the "tell me that" A lot of people commented to me and Adverse last week about how hard it is to write a 50line poem to something. I actually feel the exact opposite. you established what i've always wanted to as a writer, providing a complete, emotional story in as little as 20 or so lines. which means every one of those lines have to hit, and i find that's hard to do.

i hate having to vote on shit like this bc i liked both but i have to give the edge to deadman, it just hit me a little harder is all

v-deadman