[Bodey]

I opened my eyes to a bowl of soggy Rice Krispees,
chirping promises that I’d be free soon
This has happened before, the doctors said so
Waking up to faces I don’t recognize in places I’ve never been to
“It’s borderline personality disorder—no wait, it’s bipolar.
“Scratch that, let’s try schizophrenia, a true reality chauffer.”
The banana-colored wristband tightens on me a bit
Another white-coated rich man licensed to scribble scripts
How original.

My body has withered thinner and they’ve done nothing to fix it
“What happened to the swimmer who could’ve made the Olympics?”
Couple trophies, a few medals, but nobody asked if I picked this
I remember the scuffed wooden table in our kitchen with biscuits
baking in the oven; the happy holiday cologne to a blistering Christmas
I know things had gotten loud, but I can only recall the silence
Of sitting there invisible, while my family fell apart
My mother and her shaky voice like, “Pack your stuff, lovebug.”
I looked at my hands and wondered if it was spaghetti sauce or blood
My father’s voice was near demonic, like a machete to the lungs
We’d barely get past the market before he got us back at once
Later on, I’d bounce from couch-to-couch until I ran out of friends
I literally swam my way out of that house and never looked back again

My roommate smells as if a garbage truck took a shit on a puddle of cat-piss
She hasn’t spoken for years, weeping softly as she clutches her mattress
One day, she crumpled up a note and threw it at my bed
She said the doctors cut her tongue out… boy, did they get in her head
Fuckin Agatha. Jesus Christ.
I search my mind for something to say, and not to be offensive,
but my tongue couldn’t quite touch the words… Again, no pun intended.
I wrote her back anyway, telling her that my husband’s coming soon
That this was all a misunderstanding, and she gave me this look of doom
The desperation in her eyes didn’t even have me thinking twice
I scrambled out the door, and pushed a nurse aside
Until I got to the doctor’s office, and locked it from behind
“Doc,” I panted, “I need to call my husband to make sure that he’s on time.”
The doctor yawned and took his glasses off, reaching for his Chapstick
He pressed it on his lips, and rolled his eyes so hard they travelled into traffic
“Judy, we’ve been through this before. This is the second time—”
“No!” I screamed, punching the door. “His name is Kevin Brides.”
The doctor took a deep breath, sat back, and slowly folded his lapel
Underneath, the MD name exposed itself, I grimaced—what the hell?!
He must’ve seen my face, as he began to stand up from his chair
Don’t console me, “Dr. Brides”, don’t you fucking dare
I opened the door so fast, I broke the nose of the nurse standing there
That miserable woman missed me with that tranquilizer pinch
Where’s my Kevin? Please come kiss me with those whisky-sour lips
How dumb do they think I am, trying to say you don’t exist
Alarms are yelling at me everywhere, I’m somehow barefoot on a cliff
I sighed. Agatha was right. Maybe her tongue is really snipped.
Tell Kevin I’ll be home later, Mommy is running late at work
And show my dad that trophy, make sure he knows I came in first
Staring down into the ocean shore, I take a breath for what it’s worth
These grayish days aren’t so bad anymore…
My lungs can taste the suds of Earth