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Old 05-04-2020, 04:48 PM   #7
Johnny 6 feet
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Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 446
Battle Record: 8-4


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Scar- Caught a gothic tone in this piece. Classical vibe. A dream granting inspiration like Kubla Khan. i liked the progression of the narrator seemingly caught between worlds on the street at night time, then the lighter tone of him 'waking up' to the human activity around him. Connecting with the world again:

"The noise of Spring. strolling the antiquated avenue,
he sees a clinic poster pleading how “You can help fight cancer too!”
A valiant pursuit, with a little girl’s portrait serving as the voice of sickness
A couple shops down, a vintage toy store full of boyhood wishes"

The light of inspiration reaching out to him as a means to exist was one I could relate to. To make it real as the narrator himself travelled back to reality. Very poetic, and the symmetry at the end of him writing the piece was a nice touch.


Universe- Damn. This was dark. The setting of the therapist's office was an original idea; a stable point which stood in direct opposition to the brutality of the childhood trauma and the almost supernatural element of the start of the piece. I really felt for your narrator, was rooting for him to find a way out of the nightmare scenario he was caught in:

"Mother rushed down the stairs, she untied us and said "Dress and be cordial"
"In a couple minutes come up, and remember... everything's normal""

That was powerful. An insight into the shit people in those situations would have to endure. The ending, the beginning of the healing process was cathartic to read, although a long way from happy.

Tough call, probably the closest battle I've read this week but...

Vote- Scar, a slight edge given from slightly better word choice and him bringing the story full circle at the end. Damn close though.
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