So last week I said I couldn't "get into" a Scar verse. That all changed with his 4th stanza this week. Thought it was an exceptional snippet of writing. Enough to overcome Universe? Not sure yet.
Scar
So the beginning was a little rocky for me as you began personifying a street.
The street cracked a smile? Really? Over my head; sorry.
In the 2nd and 3rd stanza the descriptions really relate well to the picture.
Then golly; I'll quote it.
The noise of Spring. strolling the antiquated avenue,
he sees a clinic poster pleading how “You can help fight cancer too!”
A valiant pursuit, with a little girl’s portrait serving as the voice of sickness
A couple shops down, a vintage toy store full of boyhood wishes
Star Wars memorabilia, Luke, Han, Star Destroyer stickers
He enjoyed the brisk walk; The ambiance and all the stories with it
across the street, a middle-aged couple engaged in dinner for two
Some kind of fish dish at a sickly overstated avenue
Pretentious decor; Dancing pyre professing “classy” perfection
The gentleman wore a pale face with eyes of glassy inflection
Next door, a book shop. Used properties as pages were fold
Front and center, an aging relic, Virginia’s “Room of One's Own”
By his feet, a newspaper rustle and flap to the placid spring wind
The Headline: Man obsessed with sister, held for psychiatric remission
Just a superb piece of writing which, tongue-in-cheek, references some of you and your opponents verses from the past weeks (with links). Really liked the rhyming in this part as well, all the way down to "fish dish".
The next three stanzas wrap things up.
He looked up only to see the lamplight mocking his fall
Interesting way of putting it.
The ending is recursive, referencing the beginning of the piece itself.
Overall your verse filled me with intrigue (what's going on? is this all a dream? what is the light & voice?). This mysterious vibe made me feel it.
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Universe
Another chapter of your dark tale.
The rhyming and meter are so on point it's almost enough for you to win every week based on that alone (but not quite!), because I just wasn't feeling this verse as much as Scar's.
There were again, moments of shock with--again--incest. In this case gay abusive incest between the father and his young son. And also a live suicide in front of the family by the Uncle.
While these moments were shocking, I must say I am slightly dulled to the shock since all of your writings in this league have these moments. So it's almost expected.
It was clever how you did this all as a shrink session with a therapist. Not easy to do.
Your links at the bottom are nice to shed light on the topic and offer help.
Again, I want to vote for you just based on your effortlessly tight mechanics, but I'm going to go with V/ Scar for the upset just based on the fact that his verse filled me with intrigue and his 4th stanza I thought was excellent.
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