ender, Pretty cool story my man. It still hasn't capture the magic of your very first verse, which was told with richness and depth, this seems to be focused solely on the progression of the story. the flow had moments where it got a bit jarring. i understand how that goes cause a lot of my writing have those moments, its usually a byproduct of NOT forcing verbiage lulz. love some of the wording "Really attacking my liver, the victor never in doubt" what a cool way to describe an alcoholic without even using the word or brand lulz.
v/ender
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