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Old 05-02-2020, 04:24 PM   #8
Scar
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Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 566
Battle Record: 7-5


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- Guerrilla Writing League

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wow this was an awesome battle!

PA, i read your comment about my verse last week in regards to the extra stuff like centering and bold and italics and i totally understand. it can be very cheesy but i just do it because it looks nice to me you know? anyway i say all that to say that, in turn i am usually not a fan of acrostic and alphabet format because i think those are cheesy. However, i think it worked here. it worked very well. This verse had a child wide-eyed wonder tone to it. Down to the diction. The simplicity of it really worked here. it was almost sing songy if you will and it played the perfect juxtaposition to an otherwise dark subject matter. the verse tackles the effect of family issues but was done with much nuance and very dope subtlety. "Niece Janet has heard the story before. “Couldn’t get along”. But she still likes her Aunt." i found that line very honest and endearing. you said you were gonna go extra special for this match and you did my man. awesome showing.

dead man, i have personal question, do you drink a lot of coke? i only asked because it seems to be a recurring theme in a lot of your writing. anyway, this was awesome. This verse, i believe, was about cult that, similar to Heaven's Gate and Jonestown, went an extreme measure for some kind of cause or personal/collective reasoning. This verse was littered with some amazing verbiage. its really amazing how you can keep coming with these after all these years. "may we pass on peaceful when our ascension collapses
reenacting folklore in our icarus masks" awesome. And the descriptions are unique and fun to read (for lack of better word lulz)"low mutation our collective inertia,"

this is a hard battle but an awesome one. I love the concept of PA's verse and i'm equally in love with Dead Man's writing. What this came down to ultimately, is my overall enjoyment. I felt the stylistic approach of PA's verse was a more enjoyable because everything seemed to click.

v/ PA
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