Pharaoh - Cool snapshot of an uncle-niece relationship, and that's what it was, something simple that read like a flash fiction short story. There wasn't necessarily a climactic moment or twist, so it read as casual to me. Nice description about the mossy rocks. Best I've read from you.
dead man - Hey dead man. Your verse read like a movie trailer to me, as in the narrative was couched between literal and surreal, or figurative language. Like for example the mention of bodhistavas (spelling is wrong on my part) gave me images that it was something about reincarnation, or the attainment of some meaningful mixture of adolescence and religion(?). Gambling addiction came to mind when you mentioned 'down like 70 grand' and 'dark nirvana' which gave off 'dark' storyline vibes. But yes, so movie trailer-like in its way of being a collage of images, notions, progressively funneling to a climactic, 'gotcha' conclusion. I think a few of your verses may adhere to this sort of outline, and a picture topic like this is appropriate for the approach, as it's artful. Your narrative 'currents' are very strong. You have a knack for mise en scene in verse form.
Gosh, it's a hard vote because dead man had the more veteran use of language and phrasing. The idea was a bit hard to decipher for me, it almost reminded me of gambling debt --> debt bubbles popping, and destroying a family. I liked Pharaoh's more because it had a cool way of presenting a scene without too much interference. It was a difference in approaches... I'm voting for Pharoah. The 'ABC...' format was not relevant to the storyline I don't think. It was more to my liking today.
Thanks for the reads.
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