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Old 05-02-2020, 03:59 PM   #5
Vulgar
Razor-thin derision
 
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Ender - The men were agents enacting 'brutal' street justice for crimes against minors? SInce he spoke to the main narrator and said 'father tom' then they both could've been priests. The guy on the floor was a sinful priest who molested kids, etc. It was cool in terms of story and patient pacing. It took me a second read to understand more. I think it'd benefit from a little more personal touch. You know how to rhyme at a good level. The details aren't really jumping out. It feels like a synopsis, a curtain, more than an actual full-bodied, personable screenplay. Could add some more jazz to it. Thanks for the read.

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