Netcees - View Single Post - WEEK 6: dead man vs Pharaohs army 5-2 PA WINS

Universe · 05-02-2020, 08:29 AM

Pharaohs Army -

"Air. Wispy clouds. Red and blue sky.
Big boulders. Balloons take flight. At least 25. Burners above the baskets.
Camera. “Can you take a picture?”
“Did you even have to ask it?”

Great opener and good work overall, PA. You knew you had to bring something different to the table against dead man, and you did here. I enjoyed the alphabetical rhyme scheme, it's been done hundreds of times before but I appreciate the attempt at making your verse stand out. And it worked in that respect. As soon as I saw it I just thought, "yes"... because I knew you tried. You had some cool lines in there and even though your approach was rather simple and linear, it blended well with your alphabetical concept and the light, cheery topic you were given. I shamefully admit I had to look up what "xanthic" meant lol, which is always nice to learn a new word lol, so thanks for that. Overall I enjoyed this verse, PA. Well done.

dead man - Your skill level is redundant at this point, but I don't care. You're super talented and you reinforce it with every drop. This was no different. It gave me a cult vibe, if that's what you were going for. People believing in heaven, getting a call to go in 48 hours... you managed to weave this underlying darkness into an otherwise bright and hopeful scene, and it was very well done. Your word choices were masterful and the pictures you painted in my head linger...

"mudroad backwoods and cola. wormhole our galaxy's distant
tracing back our sins to practice pattern prevention"

"so here we stand. They said heaven was a place we could visit
with a basket and a rubber ball and helium gas
may we pass on peaceful when our ascension collapses
reenacting folklore in our icarus masks"

Yikes. There's not much else I can say. I loved this piece, dead man. Great job.

So overall an impressive showing from both parties. You both brought it and, in doing so, made this a memorable battle. PA was up against a monster and he put up a valiant fight... but he was overcome in the end by a creative piece littered with memorable lines. Respect to both of you.

Vote - dead man

05-02-2020, 08:29 AM	#6
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Pharaohs Army - "Air. Wispy clouds. Red and blue sky. Big boulders. Balloons take flight. At least 25. Burners above the baskets. Camera. “Can you take a picture?” “Did you even have to ask it?” Great opener and good work overall, PA. You knew you had to bring something different to the table against dead man, and you did here. I enjoyed the alphabetical rhyme scheme, it's been done hundreds of times before but I appreciate the attempt at making your verse stand out. And it worked in that respect. As soon as I saw it I just thought, "yes"... because I knew you tried. You had some cool lines in there and even though your approach was rather simple and linear, it blended well with your alphabetical concept and the light, cheery topic you were given. I shamefully admit I had to look up what "xanthic" meant lol, which is always nice to learn a new word lol, so thanks for that. Overall I enjoyed this verse, PA. Well done. dead man - Your skill level is redundant at this point, but I don't care. You're super talented and you reinforce it with every drop. This was no different. It gave me a cult vibe, if that's what you were going for. People believing in heaven, getting a call to go in 48 hours... you managed to weave this underlying darkness into an otherwise bright and hopeful scene, and it was very well done. Your word choices were masterful and the pictures you painted in my head linger... "mudroad backwoods and cola. wormhole our galaxy's distant tracing back our sins to practice pattern prevention" "so here we stand. They said heaven was a place we could visit with a basket and a rubber ball and helium gas may we pass on peaceful when our ascension collapses reenacting folklore in our icarus masks" Yikes. There's not much else I can say. I loved this piece, dead man. Great job. So overall an impressive showing from both parties. You both brought it and, in doing so, made this a memorable battle. PA was up against a monster and he put up a valiant fight... but he was overcome in the end by a creative piece littered with memorable lines. Respect to both of you. Vote - dead man __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..