The NCPD has issued a warrant for the detention and questioning of one Frankie Corleone. Mr. Corleone, thought to be related to an associate of Brooklawn criminal "Lumpy Johnston", is wanted for questioning on the following charges:
- Impersonating a Member of the Wu-Tang Clan: The accused is alleged to have violated Allentown, PA's strict law against claims of false membership in 90's hip-hop acts, punishable by up to 10 years in federal prison.
- Transportation of a minor across states of reality: The accused is alleged to have transported his 6 year old self into an alternate reality where he, at 6 years of age, was a member of the Wu-Tang Clan. As the victim is a child, this allegation is taken very seriously.
- Possession of Illegal Crip GPS IP trackers: The accused is equipped with top of the line technology, capable of discerning anyone's continent using only their IP address.
- Multiple Violations of Prop 17: Goes without saying.
Anyone with information is urged to contact the NCPD immediately. A reward of a fictional platinum gospel rap album is being offered for any tips that lead to an arrest.
Stay safe.