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Old 04-27-2020, 12:06 AM   #16
Pharaohs Army
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,956
Battle Record: 6 - 14



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Ender
I liked it for the most part. Thought 'crashing clout' was a reach for a rhyming phrase but that's nitpicking.
There is a palpable buildup of the main character going from fear to wrath.
Some confusion at first as to who was delivering the blows, but I think you did that intentionally so the final line would hit home harder.

Bodey
Interesting story; seems like I've seen it on a crime show before but I'm too lazy to google tha names.
You really showed that the guy was a POS, especially with the rape part.
For some reason I liked when your Mom's only response was to pass the rice.
Ignored, wrath consumes.

Preference battle, I was just a little more engaged with Bodey's story so she edges it. No disrespect to Ender who has showed he can bring it.
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