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Old 04-26-2020, 06:42 AM   #13
MMLP
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 614
Battle Record: 15-16


Champed
- Write Week 9

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Ffs, turning a blind eye to the shitstorm going on,

Universe - okay so I see you continued the same theme/storyline on from last week? Big risk, also going on for so long. I wasn’t as impressed with it last week as other voters had said, I hate to say. I think its mainly due to the size of the piece, some bits seemed to drag, ya know? there were parts I really enjoyed, as anyways the flow is brill, smoothish read with some technical skill but also some spots with syllable mismatching and awkward rhymes (maybe it’s the accent?) that don’t sit well with me. Solid showing, worthy of a champ match for sure overall but 80 lines isnt something I wanna see often but it worked here

Clut: LOL I think you went for Greed with an fun take to start off, the fable of the golden egg was a fantastic route to go imo, and as fun as it was the rhyme scheme is what really sold it as it was just effortless at points around the introduction of the golden egg BUT the real kicker for me personally is when things “flipped” at a midway point and you twisted it into how yours and Uni’s paths came to cross and as to WHY he had lost this one by being greedy. I'm not sure this resonated with most tbh, don’t know how you came to predict that but it was spot on. you must have read his mind on what he would try to do, and yeah even the whole ‘really the pay off/is how greed as a way of leading to great loss,” was exquisite my friend. this stands up on second and third reads as well, nice work. from the opening with the Clut-bucking mention which we then know is actually you and the last 16 or so lines were where you really sold it and put such a spin on it. I liked both verses but ultimately cults was better to read n more thought provoking n challenging in the right sense. I see what u did here

vote - NCs villain, clutbuck.. he just had the better verse on this day, quiet simply imo
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