ender, lulz cool concept my man. so this person is afraid to let loose because letting loose means releasing a kraken ha ha. ok this was a nice creative take on the topic. i didn't really like the format, but i can see why it was the way it was. the first section illustrated the anxiety of the character, which is crucial to the progression of the second section. i just wish it was more of a story as opposed to a soliloquy you know? i'm spoiled by your verse last week so maybe its due to some type of bias lulz. flow was nice and clean. one thing that stuck out to me was your transition. its very "low key", very understated. its there but like barely. you don't really match the scheme during transition but theres a connect there lulz. hard to explain but yeah. "Or in a confrontation, what I might learn about myself?" that was awesome.
bodey, this was great. i can definitely see that some of deadman's verse last week had some effect here as the greater part of the first act involves you painting in nostalgic acrylics. Very effective. Love how you netcees guys can do stuff like that in such frugal manner. the feel of this verse was very small time, suburb even without reading the final passage - which was fucking awesome! i read one of your post about you rushing this, and i can totally see it. It lacked a certain level of pathos that i've come to expect from your writing. This seems to be a total attempt at narrative. Usually you leave a bit of yourself in your verse but this seems to be plot driven. Nothing wrong with it, mind you but very uncharacteristic of your work lulz.
this is a fucking tough one. both of you guys seem to stepped out of your natural strength here. I enjoyed both verses. i think the one determining factor here is originality. although bodey was more epic in scope, i thought ender had a fresher angle as i felt i've read bodey's story a few times before. so with that
v/ender
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