brokenhal0, this reminds me of pharoah's verse. it was like a super direct take on the topic, like power points, but i like how you made it personal by relaying your plight in accordance to the topic. it was interesting. the flow was super fire. i was able to read right through without much issues. this bard made me laugh "possessed and entitled" lulz. the strength of this verse was in the honesty of it. i believe alot of what you wrote, you genuinely feel. but it was lacking in creativity. i believe in a topical league, unless you come up with a topical thats super interesting or technically flawless, you better come with some creative concept to draw readers and honestly, i don't think you were able to do that.
adverse, good verse man. you ability to create sensory of your verse is enviable. there's lots of life in it and it compliments the undercurrent of the verse, i guess a good example with the switchfoot bit. it was a bit of a gamble cause if people don't know what or who that is, it could be quite arbitrary but it does relay atmosphere to your story. the flow was good besides for a few instances of really long line lulz. rhyming was awesome. indigenous/religious but - very nice my man. the issue i had with this story was the actual plot. like what did he do that was so sinful? drugs? depression? there was a disconnect of cause and effect. the last part was very surreal. it was like he took some acid or something and he was transported to a church lulz. can't help but feel that maybe the verse is about connecting with a higher power but the pacing prevented it from feeling "complete" you know? but regardless, very good read. enjoyed it quite a bit my man.
this was a good battle. on one hand we got hal0 who's very direct with his topic but lacked creativity. on the other hand we got creativity but lacking in topic relevance, in my opinion. so i had to go off technical and overall enjoyment and at that
v/adverse
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